my better half

I've been a little bit into Kevin recently.

Which is good, since we are married.  Since we share a house together, are raising children and paying bills together.  Going through life.

We have seasons where he bothers me.  Just being honest!  It doesn't help that we have to share a bathroom.  For some reason, when I am in such a season, running into him in the bathroom seems to really get me peeved.

But right now, he's the cat's meow.  I am so thankful for his positivity, his humor, his gentleness and deep love for me and our girls.  I just can't imagine being without him.

Kevin, you're swell.  I love you.

A pic from Tate's itouch.  Perhaps blurry, but I think she was going for an artistic flair here.

Kevin's turn

Kevin's WAY funnier than I am.  It's one of the things I love most about him.  He makes me laugh at almost anything.

Unless I'm really pissed at him, and there's nothing funny about that.

This picture has nothing to do with this post.  It was taken at Tatie's pre-k
 graduation this past June.  But it's nice to put a face with a name, right?

So tonight we went to a neighboring town to see an acclaimed Living Nativity.  When I say acclaimed, I mean I heard maybe 2 people say it was awesome, and I saw a bunch of signs for it.  I then drew the conclusion that it must be amazing - and it was free - so I had my hopes on this being a memory for the books.

It ran from 5-8.  We wanted to take the girls to Pizza Hut afterwards (read above - memory for the books remember?) and wanted them in bed early, since they stayed up late last night, sleeping over my in-laws.

Yes, that was awesome.  But I can't get off topic.

So we show up shortly after 5, so we could have the rest of our evening as we planned.  Our first indication that we were in over our heads should have been the 10 men with glowsticks directing where to park - and the huge lot was already filled.  Hmm, I mused, I thought this just started at 5?  Did everyone get here early?

So we get out of the car, and Taylor's already complaining about the line.  We're not even IN the line yet.

Fast forward a LONG wait outside in line, to get inside the church to wait in another line, to get a letter (that's how we would know our group was ready to be called - we were letter P and I will probably remember that for the rest of my life) , to sit in the sanctuary (which was nice actually - music, a little skit, and no less than 50 children screaming NoNoNoNoNo....but we couldn't be upset with them, it's just not socially acceptable to be an adult and scream), to wait in ANOTHER line...

We finally get outside to see the nativity scenes.  2 1/2 hours have passed, along with our sense of humor.  We left before the scenes were done, we couldn't feel our toes any longer, and Kevin actually was feeling ill.

"She'll see it later, Clark, her eyes are frozen."  Name that movie.

So anyway, that's the backstory for the note Kevin just wrote me, that I had to share.  Because see, I couldn't just write a "Top Ten Things Better than the Living Nativity" without a backstory.  You'd wonder if we'd lost our religion.

Here it is - Kevin's Top Ten Things Better than the Living Nativity.

10.  Listening to Oprah radio
9.  Watching the Mets win the World Series
8.  Getting kicked in the crotch
7.  Watching highlights of all of the Duggar's births
6.  Getting my cavity filled without novocaine
5.  Wearing a rat fur around a hungry boa
4.  Watching 2011 Eagles season
3.  Handtied in a room with Sandusky and Fine
2.  Getting locked in a closet with Wolverine
1.  Anything

Don't let that deter you from stopping by...they put so much work into it, and it really was well done.  Just get there at 10am to get a crack at it before half of the tri-state areas joins in.

My 2 cents about marriage

So Kevin and I recently started attending a marriage tune-up series within our small group at church.  We had become involved with this small group several months ago - there are 6 or 7 couples, most of them were good friends of ours already and the rest we have been getting to know better.  What's nice is that we have become more comfortable over these past months so that now as we're getting into more "heavy lifting" we can feel more open with sharing with the group.  Well, I'm usually always open and most of the girls in our group are too...I'm thinking about the men.

Anyway, this past week was the first video in the series.  Then we went over a handout and answered some questions and talked about it a bit.  It was a catalyst for Kevin and I to talk more with each other, which is always good.  We are talkers (yes, shocking I know!) yes, but we don't often really delve into our thoughts about our marriage, unless it's positive.   When we do talk about the negative, it seems to be before or after a fight.  Or during.  Hmmm.

This week I have been thinking about marriage - the different marriages I have witnessed, and why some have failed, some have survived but not thrived, and the few that are simply amazing.  I have a few opinions - and like this blog itself, it's JUST my opinion.

For a marriage to thrive I think -

*They need Jesus!!  Jesus is the only true model of grace, forgiveness, selflessness, love.  For a Christian marriage that prioritizes faith and following Jesus, I believe they will receive blessings.  Going to church regularly as a family, and participating in other church offered activities seems to bring couples and families closer together.

*It helps to have some money.  That is a blanket statement but from what I see/read - many couples fight A LOT about money when they have none, and when they have a lot there are other problems caused in part from it.  So some seems good.   Also, when you have some, you can enjoy the money...a decent home in a good neighborhood, paying your bills in full, having some fun with it.  When you are broke, the stress both partners feel trying to earn the money, and then deciding what-gets-paid-when, etc etc...adds a lot of stress.  Stress leads to arguing, less sex, and other unpleasantries.  They say money is a big factor in our country's horrid divorce rate.

*The couple should have very similar parenting philosophies.

*It helps to have a strong support system of family and friends that have BOTH of your backs.

*A couple should prioritize time alone, and not just 15 minutes while the kids watch a cartoon on a Saturday morning.   Date nights and getaways are priceless...but come with a price...so this is where the some money part is helpful again.  And the strong support system so you have babysitters.

*Now this is JUST my observation, so please no offense.  AND this is true only for couples who have children living at home - but it seems to me that the more outside work both partners do, the more stress at home. SO, in an ideal situation, I would think a marriage would benefit from one partner working less or not at all outside the home.

*Along those lines, it seems that when a couple has defined "chores" or if they're both on the same page about housework and childrearing, all the better.   Fighting about who does what/when and how much sleep they get or lose, or whose turn it is to do what....these small fights add up to feelings of resentment and bitterness.  When a couple fights about who's going to do the laundry, or take out the trash...my feeling is, they are saying "I feel disrespected that you haven't done this chore, because I have done this-this-and-this and I am feeling used and abused...."

*A strong daily language of gratitude and love goes a long way.  It appears that the more respectful and loving the couple speaks to each other, the more respectful and loving they feel towards each other.

*A couple that lays together, stays together.  That's not true...but it helps.

*And...how about a couple that prays together, plays together...

*BUT having your own hobbies and time with friends separate from your spouse is healthy too.


*If a family has a special needs child, it seems to me that for a couple to remain healthfully and happily married, they need to have MORE of everything listed above.  More money - insurance.  More support - time outs individually and together.  More attention to detail, more sweet talk between the couple, more respect, more gratitude, more more more.

*And last but not least....HUMOR!

I am sure there are many other factors that lead to a healthy marriage, and every marriage is different.  For me, I had to have the kind of man that helped me shower after my difficult labor and c-section with Bailey.  I still remember the feeling of love that came over me as he so tenderly washed me and didn't mind all of the blood and gore that came with childbirth.  For others, the wife is happier keeping everything under wraps - literally.  But finding what works is key, and feeling satisfied, heard, and loved.

Kevin and I love being married, but certainly have had too many arguments to count, and more tears than could fill a bucket.  It's a work in progress and will be until the day we die.  But I'm excited to learn more tools and ways to help our marriage along, so we don't just endure it, but enjoy it.

Top 10 things I like about my husband

In less than a month Kev and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage.  It hasn't all been roses...I'll say it's been more like tulips.  But tulips are prettier anyway.  And once you plant them, they come back over and over.

Top 10 reasons I'm happy to wake up every morning and see that Gutelius chin.  

*A warning though...knowing Kev, you'll probably have some reasons in mind that I have missed.  But no worries - I know I've got a good man, these are just a few :)

10.  He chose me.

9.  He makes me feel loved.

8.  He loves the Lord, me and our girls.  The rest of the world - even his beloved Philadelphia teams - are at the bottom of his list.  (That being said, we don't make him choose.  Let's not try it out, ok?)

7.  We laugh together every single day.  He is REALLY funny.

6.  I have tons of notes he has left me over the years.  For our first year of marriage he left me a note every single day and I have them in an album.  Hundreds of post-its saying "Good morning Bump, I can't wait to see you tonight!"  He still leaves them sometimes, saying things like "Just hit the button for the coffee, I fed the ungrateful cats, hope you have fun with the girls today, love you!"  It is amazing how 5 seconds of scribble on a post-it that my husband leaves on the toilet makes me feel.

5.  Ok I have to go back to the funny thing.  Have you ever heard Kevin talk for the cats or our dead dog?  If you haven't, then you can't get it but he says the most hilarious, most awful things, holding up our animals and pretending that they're talking.  Well, he doesn't hold up the dead dog...he used to, bless Tanner's heart.  Now Tanner resides in a box in Kevin's nightstand and when the dead dog has to speak up, Kevin opens his nightstand drawer.  I guess this is one of these you-have-to-see-it kind of things. :)

4.  He's hot.  What...he is!

3.  He wants me to be happy.

2.  He has never once said to me, "The house is a mess, leftovers for dinner, what did you do all day?!" Not once.  In fact, he has come home so many times, catching the children as I practically throw them to him, and dives in.  Sometimes he'll surprise me and vacuum or put away laundry.  And that, my friends, is what does it for me.

1.  He gave me my 2 precious babies, the lights of my life.  I always wanted to be a mommy, and he made that happen.

I'd say I love you Kevin Andrew!  but the boy don't read my blog.  "What's a blog?!"

Father's Day

So in one hour it is Father's Day.  Ever since Kevin became a dad, I don't dread it anymore, but I do miss my dad.  He loved to celebrate himself - I don't mean that in a bad way, he just did - so on his birthday and on Father's Day, I miss him a lot, knowing it'd be a big deal.   Happy Father's Day, Dad...wish you were here to swim with my girls tomorrow, to throw them around in the deep end.  They would have loved you, and I would have loved seeing you as a Grandpa.  I wish we would have had more time together, time to heal, time to enjoy each other.  You loved us the best  you knew how, and I am so appreciative of the life you gave me.  Love you Dad, and miss you.

I am glad to see that dads these days are seemingly starting to take a more active role in parenthood.  I know many, many dads who are not just present, but awesome.  And one of my favorite ways to see a dad being a good dad is how he loves his kids' mom.  Kevin, right from the start of my pregnancies, was a good dad by how wonderful he was to me.  Back needed rubbed?  He was my man.  I HAD to have a chicken sandwich from Wendy's?  He was my gopher.  Kid pressed the return-to-sender button and I'm vomiting again?!  He was my janitor and nurse.  I knew right away how great of a dad he'd be, just by how great he was being to me.

Kevin is no saint.  The man has a temper, he's obsessed with sports, he has 2 Blackberries (that's not his fault, one's for work, but they both get on my nerves) and he has a tendency to misplace things and forget stuff - often.  But he is a GREAT DAD.  He adores his girls.  He has a soft heart for them, but also wants to teach them right from wrong.  He has their back.  He is involved, loving, and a good example of the kind of man I hope they look for someday.

My dad really liked Kevin.  We were just friends when he died, in fact I was dating someone else.  The boy I was dating was a really nice guy, but my dad didn't think he was for me.  I think he knew we wouldn't end up together, and that makes me feel good, thinking he knew.  I wonder if he knew Kevin and I would get together.  He asked several times why we were just friends - he liked Kevin a lot but didn't believe in platonic friendships - especially at our age!  He even asked me if Kevin was "that way."  If you knew my dad, you could totally see him asking such a thing.  When my dad died - in November of '98, my sophomore year - it was Kevin I wanted to spend time with.  Not as a boyfriend, I just wanted to be with him.  All of my friends, bless their hearts, I know loved me and wanted to help - they hurt for me.  So did Kevin, but he would just be with me.  I didn't have to talk about my dad, we could just be ourselves.  He'd take me out to get wings, we'd take walks around campus, he'd tuck me in with a book he'd pick up that he'd thought I'd like.  I thought he pitied me, but that was really the beginning of our love story...and it happened when my dad died.  How different would it have looked if that wasn't our beginning?  Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like had my dad lived.  I doubt I would have gotten married right out of college...he probably would have wanted me to get my Masters right away, then get married.  If I had done that, I wouldn't have had Bailey, who I got pregnant with at 23 yrs old.  Everything would have been different...but how different?  I can't imagine my life without Kevin and the girls...and yet I do miss my dad, and wished he was still here.

All that to say, and it doesn't really matter.  I'm laying on the couch in my house that Kevin and I share with our girls, and I am happy.  My dad did die - and I miss him, sometimes so much my heart hurts.  Especially when the girls ask about him, or long for him.  And to this day, I can't watch a home video with him in it.  I fear the pain I would feel seeing him, hearing his voice - he was larger than life - would be too much.  But the ways he was a good dad, I have that with me, and I am thankful for it.  He loved to do things with his family - camping, vacations, nights on the boardwalk.  Nothing mattered more to him than family.  Not every man is like that...but Kevin is too.  He loves his family, loves providing for us, and enjoying life together.  My girls and I are so blessed to have him.

Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.  May you bless your family with your strength, commitment, provision, and love.  May you be blessed with adoration, service, joy and respect.

And Kevin - thank you for being the best dad my girls could ever ask for.  From being there for me when I was pregnant to being there for them whenever they need you, day or night...you rock our world and I love you.

Thinking Thursday - ode to coffee

I haven't always had an appreciation of coffee.  Growing up, we were only allowed soda with pizza, and the rest of the time we had water, milk or sometimes lemonade.  In college, I became a hot tea drinker - I liked the coziness of a hot drink with friends, but I didn't like coffee that much unless I added a bunch of cream/sugar to it, and I could tolerate tea black, so I figured that was better.  When I had Bailey though, I became a coffee drinker.

My mom, a 2-cup-every-morning-or-she-gets-sick coffeelover, stayed overnight with me once a week if not more after I had Bailey.  I will never forget those early mornings with her - it made getting up with the baby at 5am so much more tolerable.  She would make her instant coffee (can you imagine, that is what she drank for what, 30/40 years?!  She never had a coffee maker until maybe 2 yrs ago and I didn't have one either!!) and we'd sit on the couches and talk for hours, with sweet baby Bailey in one of our laps or in her beloved swing.  Sometimes she'd make me a hot breakfast, sometimes she'd offer to have the baby so Kev and I could sleep, sometimes she'd be doing our laundry, folding it as we talked.  But there was something so appealing to me about her calmness and energy at that early hour.  My mom is SUCH a morning person, and I am SUCH a night owl.  I wanted to switch over to her side.  (I never really did.)  And I wanted to have a cup with her, it just seemed such a warm and cozy start to the morning.

So I started having a small cup of instant with her.  It was never about the coffee, bc really, instant blows.  I didn't really know better, bc any coffee I had ever had was not great in my book.  Now I know I am a breakfast-blend kind of girl, a lighter coffee.   I don't like coffee dark, and I can't drink it black.  A bit of whole milk and flavored creamer is my preferred set-up.  I have one bigger mugful in the morning, and that's it.  I don't think of myself as addicted to the coffee, but I've become addicted to the routine.  Kevin, bless his heart, sets up my coffee for me every night, and even hits the switch in the morning so I wake to the smell.  He sets out my fave mug with a spoon in it, and if he's left for work already, with a little note.  So here again, just like my mornings with my mom, it's not the coffee so much that I love - it's the feeling it gives me.  Optimistic for the day.  Cozy, warm.  And actually, loved.

Who knew coffee could do more than give you a bit of a jolt.

*Disclaimer.  I have no idea whose pic that is of the delicious looking coffee.  It looks delicious bc it has added cream and sugar.  In any case, I would give credit to whose it is, if I knew - Imagechef.com like the pic says, but I don't know who took it.   I looked up "pic of coffee" and this looked the part I wanted it to play.  That's all.  Someday I will have a clue, and that will be a great day.

love story part 2

I didn't know if anyone would really be interested in this story, but one person was, so I'll continue :)

I left off at just having told Kevin my feelings for him.  Talk about nerve - I was risking losing his friendship over the certain weirdness that would ensue if he did not feel the same as I did.  I risked other friendships, as we shared many friends and what happens when one friends is weird with another?  But now I believe God gave me strength, because for once I took a risk.  After he said "ditto" and we just looked at each other and then hugged goodnight, I laid awake wondering, "ditto" to what?!  Ditto that he liked having me as a friend, ditto that he didn't want to lose our friendship?  Or ditto that he had feelings for me other than friendship?  I didn't know - all I knew was I was confused beyond belief, a little relieved, a lot scared, and that the ball was in his court.

The next day I had a friend from college come visit, I told her everything, and she didn't know what the hold up was.  She saw the flirting - Kevin was still over my house as well and we made like nothing had happened but there was this THING hanging over our heads.  During these couple days Kevin and I did something we had never done before and we have never done since.

Wait for it....

Wait for it....

We went jogging together.  That's how in love I was.  Jogging.  Fast.  It's amazing I didn't pass out.  I wanted him to think I could keep up with a jock like him.  I also pretended - not too much because I didn't want to lie - that I liked some sports.

When you're in love you don't think straight.

Anyway, I was convinced that we really did act like more than friends but he wasn't making any moves. And I wasn't making any more.

So a few days pass and I had to work a night shift at GA and he didn't.  I got home late and - remember this? - I checked to see who was on IM.  Kevin was, and we IM'd....now I know he was waiting for me, knowing I'd check when I got home :)

So on IM, after much small talk about absolutely nothing, Kevin asked me to start dating.  I said I thought he'd never ask, and that is how we began.  I printed out the pages and pages of that IM conversation, because that is when he first said he was in love with me, that he wanted to marry me, that he had "eyes" for me for a very long time.  I remember sitting there staring at the computer screen, wondering if it was really real, and if a dream like that could really come true for me.

In my eyes, he was perfect.  He loved God, loved family, loved to have fun and laugh, respected women, was a gentleman.  He was generous, educated, soft-hearted but strong.  And he was so handsome :)  And this boy, this man, was saying he wanted to marry me and take care of me for the rest of our lives.  I couldn't believe it.

Our first date was to Carabbas, and although it felt kind of different, it felt very natural too.  We had a great time, and then came back to my house where we had our first kiss.  I'll leave it at that, this is a family-friendly blog after all :)

I was so happy, so fulfilled.  We dated for the next year, and got engaged the summer before our senior year.  I was 20 going on 21...young.  Now I know that.  At the time, we didn't care that we both didn't have jobs lined up...we knew we'd have an amazing life and we wanted to start asap.  So when we married in August of 2001, we had been dating for 2 years.  Now that I am a mom, I'd hope my daughters date a bit - or a lot depending on their age - more than that, and wait until they're older to marry.  We had an apartment in Haddonfield that cost us $615 a month - it was tiny but charming.  And so started our life as newlyweds, with all of its joy and "learning about each other" that was stressful and alarming.

We might've had a few fights where I locked myself in the bathroom and I may or may not have run out of the apartment in my nightie wanting to drive home to my mom.  He followed me.

And that's the thing.  Kevin has always followed me.  He has led me, he has walked beside me, and he's followed me.  I love him more now than I did then -- even though I know more now.  I know about the temper, the non-stop-sports on the radio AND tv, the forgetfulness.  I also know though, that no matter what happens in life, he will support me, and comfort me, and remind me about what really matters.  He has made me more mad than any human being EVER, but nobody else has made me laugh harder or feel more loved.

When I married, I knew there would be mornings I'd look at the face next to me, and think Really?!  Forever?  For the rest of my LIFE?!  But I knew if I made a choice to still be married, to still ACT like I loved him, I would.  And that's what's happened.  I've never doubted my love for him - he's my family.  He's the dad to my kids, and a great dad.  But we have had some rough days...and nights.

But for more-than-the-most part of it, I have been very happily married to my best friend, and I am so grateful.  I pray my girls will meet and marry someone like their dad, someone who makes them laugh so hard they pee a little.  Someone who is kind, gentle, strong.  Someone who wants all their dreams to come true.  Someone who loves the Lord and wants to raise their family in the church.

And most importantly, someone who never moves them away from me.

Flash Back Friday - love story version

So I thought today I would tell you my love story with Kevin Andrew.  It's not a special day or anything today, but he looked charming in his suit as he was leaving this morning, and it made me reflect on the fact that I still like him.

We met in college, Eastern University in PA - although at that time it was Eastern College, a small school.  It's still small and that's such an integral part of its charm.  I actually hope my girls will attend there someday - and if one of us work there, they could go for free....

As I've said before, I write as I talk.

Anyway, we were in choir together, and many of my friends had become friends with him, but he seemed a bit aloof to me and he wore a Goofy baseball cap.  Now, if you're wondering if I capitalized "Goofy" by mistake because I couldn't possibly mean the Disney character - oh but I do.  The Disney character was on top his head.

Let's take a moment and try to get beyond that, because I had to.

Well I saw more and more of him, because of the friends we had in common.  He had this habit of making "rounds" every night and visiting his friends - which after awhile I really enjoyed, he was so intentional about his friendships.  We started saying hello around campus, eating together at the cafeteria with other friends.  He redeemed his Goofy-cap-ness by being on the baseball team and looking cool in khakis.

I love me some khakis.

But....he had a girlfriend.  I remember him calling her one night from my room, making plans I think for Valentine's day, or something.  I thought she has such a treasure in this boy, I wonder if she knows it.

I had dated a boy very seriously throughout most of my high school days, and he and I had finally ended our relationship for good before I left for college.  My first year I enjoyed being with friends, and I didn't have a desire to look around for dates.  So freshman year we were friends, nothing more, and I just had a blast with these people that I now felt were family.

The summer before sophomore year Kevin and his girlfriend broke up.  I remember hearing about it from a friend, who pointedly told me with a lift in her voice.  We really were nothing more than friends, but she knew I had a softness for him, a teeny crush if you will.  Maybe more than a crush.  But he had a girl, and even if he hadn't, I never thought he'd go for me.  I didn't look or act anything like his girl from home, and he was friends with EVERYONE.

So returning to school sophomore year, I started dating a friend of one of my Eastern friends.  He didn't go to the school and he was a bit older, both qualities I liked.  He was cute, funny, and really sweet with me.  I dated him because I was ready to date, he asked, and I really liked being with him.  But I knew I'd never love him, I figured that out early on.  I just didn't.  We had fun, and I was starting to question what to do because I could tell from how he was talking and acting that he wanted to get more serious.  And I still had this teeny crush on Kevin -- I didn't want to, but he just made me feel something every time he entered a room.

On Nov 3, 1998 my soph year, my dad died.  I was awakened by a phone call from our neighbor at home telling me my dad was ill, I had to come home.  He had died already but she didn't tell me that.  My friend Brookie drove me home bc we took my car and it was stick shift - she and I were close friends and I was comforted to have a friend with me.  Once home and finding out he died, she called my roommate who told our other friends and a few hours later a few carloads of my friends arrived.

I can't begin to tell you the comfort they brought me.  They stayed the whole week.  I will never forget that feeling of protection and love they gave to me.  Kevin was one of those friends.

My dad died on a Tuesday, we returned to Eastern Sunday night.  On Saturday night, I remember all of us were watching Sat night live in the family room, piled on the floor and the snuggle chairs (my mom has a couple of these oversized chairs just the right size for snuggling.  It's where Kevin and I had our first kiss but I am getting WAY ahead of myself),

Anyway, I was laying on the floor and Kev was on a couch above me.  He was playing with my hair, rubbing my shoulders.  Over the week he brought me immense comfort - treating my friends to dinner, being a driver to the funeral, sitting with me and not saying a word.  This was the one time in my life I went days without eating, I just drank hot tea, and he said if I ate a meatball he'd drink tea with me.

Thanks a lot Kev, I jumped back on that eating bandwagon and never got off.

So he was playing with my hair and I laid there, frozen.  I didn't want to move a single muscle.  But all feelings aside, the fact was I was still dating someone else, and my father had just died, I knew he was just being nice to me.

Shortly after returning to Eastern, my boyfriend and I broke up, we just weren't meant to me.  He was such a nice boy.

So the rest of that year was spent grieving my dad, worrying about my mom and brother, and getting through classes.  Some of my friendships took a beating, no one knows what to say when someone's parent dies, and I didn't know how to act.  With some friends I distanced myself, and with others I clung too tightly - now I know how scared I was, how sad.

Kevin was such a wonderful friend to me that year, we got very close.  He would lay with me and watch movies, he would take me out, he would offer to pick me up dinner from the cafeteria, he would hold my hand in classes we had together.  He was funny, but so soft-hearted too towards me.  I had such strong feelings for him but I truly thought his feelings for me were out of pity, and just being a good person.  I thought he'd do the same for anyone else.

In the springtime of our sophomore year, both of us wanted to be RAs our junior year, so we went on a "RA weekend" with other new RAs to get to know the RDs and other RAs.  It was campy, outside, and a lot of fun.  Near the end of the weekend, we were told to write something we wanted to give over to God on a rock, and throw it into the creek.  I wrote, "my feelings for KG" because I didn't want to feel this way for someone  else's future husband, and it was getting very difficult being around him, loving him so much.

So I threw the rock and prayed.  An hour later, we were told to gather in a circle and hold hands - the person across from us was to be our prayer partner now and into the following year.  Who was across from me?

Kevin.

I was really mad at God.  I remember telling my roommate all about it, and she just smiled - she was always convinced we'd end up together.

Holding hands with a khaki-wearing boy who loves Jesus and praying in secluded areas around our beautiful campus did nothing to "take away my feelings" for him.  hmmm.

Summer came, and I returned to my summer job of working at a photo stand at Great Adventure, which I loved.  I worked there for several summers with great friends.  He didn't have a job, and we had begun talking on the phone almost every night - so I said, come work at GA - it's 45 minutes away but that's what I drive too, it's not so bad and the money's good.

So he did, and the "uniform" for our photo stand was khaki shorts and a white shirt.

You know by now how I felt about that.

We would go back to each others houses after work and he became friends also with my "work friends."  One night he went with me to one of our friend's houses for a get-together, and then he slept over my house.  There I was again, sitting on the floor with him on the couch above me, and he was playing with my hair.

What's UP with that?!

So I just let it all go.  I told him how I felt, I went on and on.  I told him I was honored to have his friendship and I didn't want to lose it, but I just had to tell him.  He didn't say a word until the end, where he said "ditto."  And then we said good-night.

If you've met my husband, you are sitting in disbelief that he was speechless.  It was the one and only time.

I woke up my mom and told her all about it.  She was happy and went back to sleep.  I didn't sleep.

We started dating a few days later, which is where I will pick up this story next time.  I have written enough for a book and I have the feeling I have given anyone who has actually read the whole thing a headache.