Ok, lots of things are better. But right now, this feels pretty good. Kids are playing Wii and have gone 6 minutes without fighting - yes, I looked at the clock. Pulled pork in crockpot, Kevin will help me tuck in the girls and we are watching a movie later. The rest of the weekend also appears to be promising.
There is something inside of me that says, 'enjoy it now, someday you will look back and realize these were the best days of your life..." and I hate that little voice. I hate it because I don't want to feel that way, and I know that fear is there because I am petrified that one of my loved ones will die, or leave me, or this time with young children fills me, and when they grow I will be empty. I want to always be grateful for what I have, but I don't like that little voice.
I am so grateful. Grateful that my husband surprised me with flowers today, even when I told him not to. He just really wanted me to have some, and show me he loves me. I am grateful that my kids ran off the bus as fast as their little legs would carry them to me for hugs and kisses. I am grateful for another day together as a family.
None of us know what the future holds...and whether it's because my dad died unexpectedly when I was 19, or because my child has a potentially fatal disease, I do fight fear sometimes. I know that the divorce rate in this country is over 50% and it's 75% when you have special needs kids.
But those facts are not my truth, not today, and I pray not ever. Thank you God for another day, and I pray for many, many more.
Thanking God for this Friday night!!
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