Lost mom

Earlier this week I shared that other than mom-ing, wife-ing and work-ing, I don't have much going on.  I woke early one morning and was like...um...hello?  What is this life and how did I get here.  I am usually a pretty content person, and I feel much gratitude for what and most especially who, I have.  But honestly, come on!  I have totally let myself go, in every which way.  And I'm not into it.  So I started to really take a look the last few days and so far, this is what I've found.  It means little, but to me, it's little pieces of a big puzzle.

In taking my first shower as a semi-awoke person (does that make sense?) I realized -- I buy the good razors for Kevin, but use whatever I can get for free from couponing for myself.  Do you understand how much BIGGER the area I shave is compared to his sweet little face?  I used his razor and threw mine in the trash.  Next, I evaluated my shampoo/conditioner/soap selection.  For whatever reason, my girls who are not toddlers by about a decade, still have a fondness for what surely must be simply taking any cleaning product and POURING IT RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN.  They add a drop to their hair or body and then just upend the whole bottle.  Therefore, other than the good Dove soap bc of course we have sensitive skin, I buy whatever I can get for the cheapest amount.  Fine, good, frugal.  But meanwhile, this means I have gone YEARS without something as simple as my hair looking and smelling the way I want it to.  I don't even know what it is I want anymore, and I haven't bothered to find out.  This simple act of taking a shower illustrated to me that EVERY SINGLE THING I do, choose and use, has other people in mind.  

I believe it will make me a happier person, and better wife and mom, if I start thinking of myself if even just a little bit.  I don't know what that will look like yet, but it's been eye opening even just thinking about it.  And I know where I learned it, right at my mother's feet.  And she probably was wearing shoes that she wouldn't have chosen, but got on a good sale so she could spend the rest on my brother and I.