A typical day of both joy and hardship. Every morning I face a battle of my selfishness vs what's best for my girls -- for Bailey sometimes it's doing a treatment, for Taylor it means getting ready fast so she doesn't get bored, which equals disaster. All i want to do is drink my coffee!!! Some mornings are snugglefests, singing and healthy breakfasts, but many others are tantrums and chocolate chip cereal bars. I am reading 'The Relationship Principles of Jesus' (along with a million other books simutaneously so let's see if i can keep them straight) and the author (Tom Holladay) says your dearest priorities are what you think about first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. hmmm - my weight, mommy guilt, fears...not good. Callin' on Jesus - Bring me JOY Lord.
Today i am thankful the girls got to play at Pump It Up with their friends and i with my MOPS moms; i am thankful that the weather is beautiful; i am thankful that my husband is dear and surprised me with 7-11 coffee (no, i didn't get to drink most of it until in the car, reheated 5x but that's not the point); i am thankful we are on the right track. Truthfully, i am thankful for many, many things. But i get bogged down with the other STUFF, that allows me to lose the FEELING of thankfulness, and i don't like it.
A prayer request - therapy with Taylor today went well, besides for the concern that Taylor's noises that she sometimes makes are ticks. Tears sprang to my eyes and i said, really, one MORE thing? She assured me she doesn't think it's Tourettes, as Taylor doesn't have body movements along with the noises, and she can stop them - albeit with a tantrum, if i tell her to stop and she doesn't want to. i don't know what to think and only time will tell, as she is only 3 1/2 and it's hard to know what's play and what's, well... anyway. CALLIN' ON JESUS FOR HEALING FOR MY PRECIOUS TATIE TOT.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Hello to maybe someone, maybe just myself. I enjoy reading blogs and thought i should just go ahead and start one up, if even to simply have a journal of my days raising the girls. I have 2 daughters, Bailey Caelyn, 5 1/2 yrs old, and Taylor Elise, 3 1/2 yrs old. Married to Kevin, best friend and true love. Life is pretty good abstractly, but on a daily basis I can lose sight of my priorities...i can get so overwhelmed and frustrated that i can only feel that minute in time. I sometimes feel as if i have lost myself...though i wanted nothing more than to be a mom, especially to have a daughter. Having my first child, the pregnancy was quite difficult but the reward of Bailey was heaven on earth. A delightful baby, and we were in love with each other. Still are...she is such a light in my life. She's a drama queen, but i am too so i get her. She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was 2 mos old, but she has a very mild mutation and after the shock and fear were replaced with God's assurance and hope, life as a family of 3 was a joy. Then along came Taylor -- "Tatie Tot" - and whoa. This child...her laugh is my favorite sound in the whole wide world - really - but her tantrums...there are no words for what these last 3 1/2 yrs have been like. We are in the process of securing a Sensory Processing Disorder diagnosis, information i wish i had a good 2 yrs ago. She was colicky as a baby and then we thought she had early terrible twos, real terrible twos and then terrible three's. But in my heart i knew - i knew - something wasn't right. Taylor loves to have fun, she is affectionate and she brings such life to our family. She and Bailey, albeit sworn enemies at times, love each other greatly and i admire them often - i always wished for a sister. But life on a daily basis is a true struggle. I try so hard to have a servant's heart for my family, to be patient and loving. But many times i reach my breaking point, i can only take so much screaming, crying, fighting. Life with Taylor really does feel like a battle at times. And then there are other times -- blessed, precious times -- when she is with us, she gets it, and she is just like any other kid. So i think i want to keep this blog to vent, to learn, to look back and see how far we've come. Tatie has started therapy - social, behavioral and occupational - and we have much hope, and faith. We are callin' on Jesus and we're gonna watch mountains fall.