Monday, January 28, 2013

in training

So my last post was about my "bubbies" as my girls and I call them.  This one is about my daughter's.  Don't tell her, as I don't want to embarrass her.  But as this blog is kind of my journal that only a few people read, I thought I'd write about the beginning of this ride we've gotten on.  Because it's going to get bumpy...and I want to be reminded of the gentle beginning.

Doesn't seem so long ago.

My little girl is growing up.  Bailey turned 9 in October, we celebrated in Disney World.  Does it get better than that?  While she celebrated turning "the last year before double digits!!", I celebrated the fact that she still believes Mickey sneaks into our room while she's sleeping to leave surprise gifts.  I celebrated every time she wanted to put back on her Ariel costume to meet the princesses and characters.  I celebrated her childlike delight as she slid down the pool slide over and over again.  I celebrated seeing her and her sister pretend-play with their little Disney figurines on the floor as a cartoon played on the tv.  I celebrated the fact that she is still so innocent and young.  Kevin and I have taken to calling her Peter Pan, because as her peers seem to be moving away from Barbies, princesses and tea parties, Bailey is still smack in the middle of it and wants to stay there.

But recently, Bailey has started becoming excited about physical changes her body is and will be making and it has thrown me for a loop.  She cried when I talked to her this summer about what will happen to her body someday...she only felt better after I promised her a girls only day any where she wants to go (I had to specify in the tri-state area after she immediately squeaked out, "Disney?!") when the day she "becomes a woman" arrives.  I never liked that phrase, and I didn't say it to her, because it's terribly misleading.  I don't believe you become a woman until you're well into your 20's...but for some reason in His divine wisdom God has allowed the female body to mature when it does.  Bailey knows that the body changes because someday she will hopefully have the honor of becoming a mama, and we need our bodies to be able to hold a baby and then nourish it.  She doesn't know that as a CF patient she's not guaranteed that gift, as many CFers either have fertility issues or they should not get pregnant because their health is not good enough.  I pray this will not affect her, as she has "mild" CF and is so healthy.  And all she knows is that our body changes to prepare it for motherhood.  Recently, she has become excited about this, and says she can't wait to become a mommy someday.  Hold your horses, lovey...

Last week I bought Bailey what looks like a sports bra.  Undershirts were working fine, but she tended to not wear them as she didn't like the extra layer.  And she started to need something under her shirt.  I know this because both the grandmothers let me know.  I couldn't believe that moment came already, so soon.  Wasn't it just yesterday she was running naked under the sprinkler?  And now look at her.

Isn't she beautiful?

I love spending time with Bailey.  She's my little girlfriend.  I cherish our dates out just the two of us.  I pray that we remain close, although I'm betting there will be many, many moments when hormones - mine and hers - will threaten to tear us apart.  I will pray for strength, compassion, tenderness...and that all of these things will be conveyed in my words and actions to her.  For Bailey I will pray that life can be slowed that possible?  That she can develop and grow in a healthy way, just not too fast!!! I don't think my heart could take it if I blink and she's a young woman and not my young girl.  And yet, as much as I try to blink as s-l-o-w as I can, here she is, wearing a bubbie holder.

God is good though - He gave me Bailey to go on this adventure with first.  I needed a gentle easing into it, to prepare me for going through this with Taylor.  Lord help us all then.  Especially me.

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