Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Dear Kate

Dearest Kate.

May I call you that?  It is not very reverent of me, but I feel that now you are a Mum, we are on more of a level playing field.  

Your prince is just gorgeous.  How could he not be?  I am sure you are staring at him, as you exclaim, "he has my mom's nose!  He has your ears!"  It's a wonderful time for a family, celebrating the addition of a person with their own unique features and yet can look just like someone you've been loving for years. 

How was your labor?  I read William was by your side, and that is wonderful.  I appreciated that you wrapped the show up within 12 hours, so we could find out if you had a boy or girl.  You are always so thoughtful!  I am positive that unlike most women, you didn't poop on the table.  It just doesn't seem your style.  In fact, I don't think you poop.  I read it in People.

You are a beautiful, real-live princess.  You hold yourself so regally, with your pretty clutch purses.  I love looking at the pictures of your beautiful smile as you greet your well-wishers, holding onto your husband's arm.  You embody grace, loveliness, sweetness and also a quiet strength.  No wonder the world is in love with you.

But girlfriend, you just gone done and had a baby.  Sh*t's about to get real, yo.

If you change the royal diapers, you will get peed on.  And pooped on.  A lot.  Perhaps you can don a frock over your gorgeous outfits while you wipe His Royal Highness.  Are you nursing, Kate? If you are, you no doubt are finding that the books that recommended strong and serious nipple play as a preparation were NOT joking.  You grit your teeth and hold onto a pillow for dear life as Boy-Not-Yet-Named seems to be punishing your tender nipples for something you did to him in the womb.  Hold tight, it will get better I promise.  I would advise, as a mere commoner, for you to continue nursing if you can, if only for this reason.  If you need an "out", what is better than, "I'm sorry, I must tend to my son who needs fed. "  Right?!

As a mom who had 2 c-sections, I can not attest too much to the carnage that I know happened to your Royal Vag.  However,  I'm guessing you're a tad uncomfortable.  Remember to be kind to yourself, and rest that J.  I hear sitz baths and ice helps.  Your son is a nice size - congratulations on building such a big boy!!  But I know that 8lbs 6 oz came at a price, and we know what that price was.  The next time William moans about an appearance he must make, or some such drudgery, you may or may not reflect on the war that happened to your down unders.  Not often, but perhaps once a year, you can pull out "I'm sorry dearest, yes that sounds wretched.  But I did go ahead a push a human out of my vagina, and I whined less than you are right now.  And then, the very next day, I stood upright as I waved at millions of people, while wondering how long I had until my pad needed changed.  So please be a dear and shut the hell up, ok?"  William seems like a lovely fellow, and I bet that will be all he needs to hear in order to man up.  After all, from what I read, he did witness it.  And I'm guessing he won't forget.  Neither will you.  But you will, in a way, never remember.  You'll know you had pain, you'll know what your body went through to deliver your perfect son.  But the minute he came out did you not think, "In a heartbeat, all again.  All of it, all again."  The pain becomes a badge of honor, not a hardship.  And a very, very small price to pay for love and joy in the form of a person, right there in your arms.

Kate, as the days go on, you will be tired.  He may or may not cry a lot.  You may or may not cry a lot. I'm assuming you have nannies and housekeepers, but a girl needs her mama.  Let her mother you...after all, now you know how she feels.  And you're her baby.  She'd give her right arm to make you happy.  Be honest with people, and say no when you're not into their plans.  Nap.  Or at least read or watch tv in a bath when you can.  Eat.  Drink lots of water.  

I want to warn you about one thing.  You're different now.  There's no escaping it.  You love William, of course.  But this love, this primal, fierce, nothing-like-it love for your son, it will never leave you.  And it may cause you some pain as time goes on, and you worry for him and his innocence.  You will pray for nothing harder, you will want nothing more, than for him to be safe, healthy and happy.  I encourage you Kate, I implore you, to look to God in this.  Because even with your security, and even with your guards, you will worry.  The only thing I have found is to pray everyday for my children's safety from illness and ill-will.  That helps, and I wanted you to know.  

I also want you to know that I am happy for you.  You have officially been given the hardest and yet most rewarding job in the entire world.  

Congratulations Kate!!  Many blessings and hope for a lifetime of laughter, love, joy and health.

Oh and one more thing.  The media sharks have already wondered about your "getting back in princess shape" plan.  Remember, you're the one living in a castle, not them.  So for crying out loud, have a burger if you want to.  You deserve it.

A Fellow Mum

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