things that make you go Hmm...

So I am thinking about growing my blog.  Musing.  Pondering.  Reflecting.

This involves me getting an iphone, so I can take pics and load them to my page.  There are other ways to do this of course, but I want the phone.  I also need how to do the "link" thing.  Happily, I have many friends who actually have a clue and they can show me.

This also involves me thinking about what I want to write about.  Sadly, I have TONS of good stories but I fear I would alienate family members if I shared them.  What's a girl to do?!  Seemingly, I am perfectly fine with telling webworld how much I weigh, but I tremble at the thought of sharing a good in-law story.  (Don't tell them I said that, they'd wonder what story I was thinking of!)

See how scared I am?!

So what should I write about...this is where you come in.

Please tell me what kind of posts you'd like to see (couponing stuff, memories, experiences, special need kid stuff?) and if you'd like me to write more.  I do have a tendency to be feast or famine on this blog and either write several posts in a row or not touch it for weeks.

Ok months.  But I will be more disciplined, if you so desire!

I'll all about making you happy.

top 5 places

As I write this post, I am laying on my couch with my DVR'd Biggest Loser show on, sipping my coffee and admiring our 2 boy brother-cats snuggling each other.

It is times like these, seeing how much they love and depend on each other, that I am so grateful we took the both of them that day at the shelter.  We went there expecting to get one cat, but 2 seconds into our visit the girls were already arguing about who was going to hold the kitten first and I thought, "Self, you must be crazzzzzy.  You're only getting one?!  You are now inviting your cherub children to fight even more than they already do and a poor little kitten will be in the middle of it?  Self, you best be getting each of the cherubs a kitty if you know what's good for you and the cat.  Tell your husband it won't cost that much more money..."

I lied about the money.  They cost a lot.  But the girls each have a kitty and we're all one big happy family.

Hmm.  Remind me of that the next time I'm about to sling one of those lovely cats out my back door for scratching my couch again, or throwing up a furball on the floor so that I step in it first thing in the morning, or when they tease Maela over and over and over again.  Poor Maela.  She's been our cat since our first year of marriage and she's still wondering why we then got a dog (who died when Tate was a baby, but she actually liked him bc he let her be alpha cat) , then had 2 children (whom she doesn't like) and then 2 cats (whom she hates).

I am so off-topic.  I started by describing my little set-up here at home to illustrate that it's not too shabby.  Sure I had to take an allergy pill bc my carpet is old and dirty, sure 1/2 my cabinets in my kitchen are held together by silly putty and a prayer, and yes my floor in my bedroom is still 1/2 carpet, 1/2 subflooring since the bathroom flood of 2011.  But my house is warm, we have everything we need and much of what we want.  HOWEVER, I can't help letting my mind wander once in awhile to where I would be, if I could be.  


So here are the top 5 places.  Whether or not the hubby and children could be with me, totally depends on my mind and the location.  In my fantasy, they can come and go at whim.

I could also be invisible and spy on people.  But that's something else entirely.

*a lakehouse.  Now, I don't know where, all I know is I want to be in a glorious, huge home right on a lake.  I'd have a boat that I know how to operate, and jet skis.  The maid and chef come daily, and my only responsibilities are to read, write, and depending on the weather, either enjoy the snow fall or work on my tan.  I have no tan to work on, even in the middle of the summer.  But in this fantasy, I do.  I'm also working on my tan in my size 4 bikini.  Well great, now I'm depressed.

*Colorado Rockies.  I have been itching to visit this place recently, ever since seeing the Grand Canyon this past summer.  I am just at a place all of a sudden where I really want to enjoy natural beauty that I have only seen in pictures.

*Italy!!  Kevin can come with me on this one.  But if he annoys me he can get himself a pizza and go back to the room while I sightsee.

*down south.  I don't know, Charleston?  Paula Deen would tell me where to go. Maybe I'd stay with her and she'd make us delicious meals and show us around.  I hope there's lots of quaint main street kind of shopping, bc I'm in the mood for that.  I would have a lot of money to shop with.

*Disney and my kids could totally come with us for this one :)  We'd stay at the finest room on "campus"  - well, I should say rooms because of course the girls are getting their own.

I like thinking of these places on one side of my mind, while the other has to get going on some house chores I hope to get accomplished before taking on more hours working outside the home, which I hope to do soon.

So what are YOUR top 5 places you'd escape to today...if only in your mind :)  It's fun to think about, isn't it?

my sensory disorder

So, we found out when Tate was 3 that she has a sensory disorder.  It made the first 3 years of her life (read: scream-fest 2005-2008) make sense.  Girlfriend just didn't like - and let us know her feelings, loudly, forcefully and repeatedly - noises, light, movement, change in routine, certain textures, etc etc etc.  ETC.  We have since learned how to deal with it, and although she can still melt down over her shoes making her feet too hot (but Taylor, you can't be barefoot in church.  I'm sorry, you just can't.  Yes I know Jesus wore sandals...but for today, because it's winter and because I said so, you are not allowed to take your shoes off)...she deals, we deal.

Since learning about challenges like sensory disorder (and there are different kinds), I have diagnosed myself with one.  Case in point -  tonight, 5 minutes ago.

me - "Kevin, please.  I can't listen to my show with the clickety-clacking sound you're making on your computer."

K - "Like the sound you're making?"

me - "No.  Yours is different and it's annoying me."

2 minutes pass, both of us not clickety-clacking bc we don't want to be the loud one.

Then the sound of him breathing starts to echo in my ears.

me - "I can hear you breathing and it sounds loud."

K - "That's good, it means I'm alive."

me - "Hmm."

I'll deal I guess.

sweetness.

Ok this pic is HORRIBLE quality, but Taters took it of Bailey on her ipod, and I charged her ipod through my labtop instead of using the charger, and there it was in iphoto.  like magic! so I have to do Bailey's ipod that way - she has many more, non-blurry pics of herself :)  But this pic with her big fat Oreo baby is so her.

Tonight I took the girls with me to the chiropractor, where I had an appointment and Bailey had a consultation.  Kevin picked up Tatie to take her to her favorite restaurant for dinner - that would be Wendy's - and after the doctor, Boo and I went to her fave, which is Friendly's.

Bailey is going to be seen by the chiropractor as an attempt to increase her lung function.  I am trying to do anything I can to get that number up - she was down 4% at her last visit.  She goes to CHOP quarterly, our next appointment is at the end of Feb and I am praying she is back up.  We added an inhaler and increased her chest PT's (basically that's clapping her on the back, chest and sides with these plastic cup things, it's supposed to thin mucus), we have her back swimming each week and now we're trying this.  If her lung function is not back up, or God forbid worse, she will have to go on a CF drug given by way of a nebulizer, and get a vest.  The vest doesn't bother me, that was only a matter of time until we got that - it's the same thing as us doing her chest PT manually, it's just the vest does it for us.  But the CF drug really bothers me.

So that's just why we were at the chiropractor.  What I really want to talk about is what a sweet, loving girl I have.  She was just a joy this evening.  She was so good with the doctor, and even colored him a great picture while I was being worked on.  She was respectful, a good listener, and kind.  Then while I paid, she befriended a lady in the waiting room.  She is such a Hiscott-Gutelius...so open, chatty, friendly.  We used to joke that my dad could talk to a dead man, and Kevin's parents are also like that.  We got to Friendly's and they were out of the one thing she was craving for dinner - their clam chowder, which she just loves.  She hesitated a second - disappointed of course - but then said, "You know what? That's ok.  Really.  I'll have mac and cheese, please."  Now, she's 8 and so I didn't expect a fit, but her ability to just shake off her disappointment and not whine even a little, made me proud.  She colored a picture for our waitress, and wrote on it Have a Good Day!  During dinner we made a list of goals for the next few months, like inviting a different friend over once a month to make their favorite dinner and watch a movie.  She also said, "Mommy, do you want to talk about Jesus?"  I said, "Sure, what do you want to talk about?"  "Nothing...just sometimes I like saying his name and that we can talk about him anywhere, anytime."

Be still my heart!  I was just bursting with gratitude for this girl.  She s really getting 'it.'  'IT' to me is love...kindness, gentleness, patience, courage, generosity, gratitude...living as a mirror of the heart of Jesus.

There are times when I am still for a while, and really watch her like tonight, when I think "God, she is so special.  Please don't take her."  When she was little and such a sweetheart, I would be gripped with a fear so intense it would bring me to my knees, wondering if she was so sweet bc she was an angel, and only here for a short while.  I grew out of that, and don't think that way often anymore.  But there are times I still do, and it's just awful and it robs me of that precious moment we are having.  God does not want me to fear the number of her days, and I don't want to either.  But sometimes it's hard, knowing she does have a disease lurking in her body, that has killed children much younger than her.

Regardless, I am so thankful for my faith, which tells me God loves her more than I do.  Seemingly impossible.  We joke with the girls that I "made you from scratch" but really, God did - her big brown eyes, her brown hair with a hint of gold, her fair skin, her long slender legs, her kind heart.  He created her for good things - He has already blown me away with how He has used her, and her life is really just beginning.  I am so thankful to be a witness to it, so thankful to be her mama.

Growing up, all I knew for sure was that I wanted to be a mommy someday.  Here I am, with 2 precious girls, and I am just overwhelmed with gratitude tonight that they are mine.  They test me, they make me cry, and sometimes, I feel like a failure as a mother.  But with every day that passes, they are learning, and I am too.  Sometimes the lessons are learned the hard way, sometimes it takes several times over to learn.

But tonight, I saw the fruit of some of our labor.  I saw a hint of the young woman that Bailey is becoming, and it is thrilling to watch.  She's still a young girl yes, but I can see more.  Earlier today, in an effort to organize our home movies, I watched a few that were unlabeled.  One was when she was just 3 years old.  I cried, frozen to the couch and gripping the remote, as I listened to her sweet baby voice, and watched as she sang, danced and played.  I wished desperately to go back in time, to hold her as a little one again, to take back some of the precious time I wasted worrying about her health, or trying to survive her little sister's needs.  But the fact is, those moments, those days, happened - days that flew yet dragged by as Kevin and I just tried to muddle through - and here we are, and I want to go back?!  No...

I am really enjoying where we are at.  The children are still young and with that comes all the joy and struggle of their ages.  They still have crying fits, temper tantrums and their sister-fights can have me in tears.  I still struggle to meet all of their needs, and sometimes I really drop the ball.  But we are over the sleepless nights, the poop fests, (what is that you say?  If you've never had a chronically constipated child who needs regular enemas, you can't know), the "what is wrong?!  I wish you could just tell me!", the biting phase, the hitting phase, the crying-like-a-mad-thing phase when Mommy leaves the room or God forbid, pees without you on her lap.  And it feels pretty good.

That being said, I can't promise that I won't want to steal your baby.

Monthly Menu Plan

I have been in a couponing slump.  I still love it and value it, don't get me wrong.  But I was too busy in December and did nothing, so now I have quite a bit to do - cutting coupons, organizing them and cleaning out my binder of expired ones.  I needed to take stock of what I have in the house, and what I will need to keep my eyes out for, coupon-wise and sale-wise.  I need to get back on track - for heaven's sake last night I spent full price for yogurt!!

For the last few months I have done a monthly meal plan in the beginning of the month so that I have an idea of the holes I need to fill in.  For example, if I know I want to make my Aunt Evelyn's great recipe for a turkey pot pie, I will need to get pie crust bc there ain't no way I'm making one from scratch.   I don't fill in the days I want to make the particular meals until each week begins and even then, sometimes I'll write "meatloaf" on say a Wednesday evening but then we end up having spaghetti instead bc I ran out of time or just didn't feel like making it.  The point is more for me to know what I have and what I need to buy when it goes on sale so we can have that meal at some point.  I only write down about 21 meals, bc I figure we'll eat out a few times and have leftovers a few times.  I don't usually fill in side dishes unless I know I need to buy the ingredients bc I always have rice, potatoes, pasta, veggies, fruit on hand.

Keep in mind most of these meals are made for just Kevin and I, as my children are picky as sin.  So many nights I make them something else like chicken and mac and cheese or just pour them a bowl of cereal - judge away, I judge myself.  They are improving, and we do eat together, so I appreciate the progress we've made - Tate used to not even want to SEE food we were eating (like asparagus, which she projectile vomited when I made her try a bite and she never forgot it) and she'd beg to eat at her little table...I remember those days so clearly.  Ok I'm getting off track.

*Ham and potato chowder
*Homemade chicken noodle soup
*Veggie beef soup
*Chili and cornbread
*Tuna noodle casserole
*Ravioli and meat sauce
*Pork tenderloin
*Grilled chicken
*Grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, tomato soup
*Freezer ziti (made already in freezer)
*Homemade pizza and/or stromboli
*Roast turkey
*Turkey pot pie
*Creamy turkey wild rice soup
*Pierogies and chicken sausage
*Pork fried rice
*Egg bake and tater tots
*Pulled pork, coleslaw
*Spinach shells
*Meatloaf
*Veggie pasta bake
*Chicken parm

So most of these meals, thanks to previous sales and coupons, I have most of the ingredients for already.   I love to cook and although I know how to make all of these meals except for the wild rice soup and stromboli, in the coming months I want to try more new recipes.  Have any good ones?

How do you plan your meals?

Cinderella

So yesterday as I was bent over cleaning some nooks and crannies that had accumulated cat hair and dust so thick it looked like a rug, Taylor came up behind me and asked what I was doing.  Because I was dripping tears and snot bc of my bad allergy to dust, I almost was sassy with her and shot back, "what do you THINK I am doing Tate?!"  but I didn't bc I realized she is not accustomed to seeing me scrub things, because I hate to, and genuinely was probably confused.

So I sat back and said, "I am cleaning."  She looked at me with her head cocked a bit, and said, "Well, you look like a kind of Cinderella, the part where she's in rags and cleaning, not the part where's she's fancy in a dress."

me - "Well, I'll still take that as a compliment."

Tate - "What's compliment mean?"

me - "It's where you say something nice to someone.  Like if I say, "Taylor you are being kind and sharing with your sister, I love it!" then I am complimenting you."

Tate - "I wasn't complimenting you."

I then told her to go find her cat and put it in a dress or something, and continued cleaning.  I started thinking about what chores I still wanted to complete and what I could pass off to the girls.  I ended up not passing anything off to them, and I thought about that after they went to bed.  I have really not held the girls accountable to any regular chores, ever.  Yes, they help me here and there, but it's random.  I have wanted desperately for them to enjoy being kids - but I fear that I am doing them a disservice, and they are not being taught responsibility.

So in addition to my hope that this year they will continue to learn about and display fruits of the Spirit  -

Galatians 5:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. 

I want them to learn also some lessons about family responsibility.  I am thinking that this is where I will start - 


*Daily straighten of bedroom.  Weekly pull off sheets and blankets for Mommy to wash.  


*Weekly chore of Mom's choosing such as helping to clean the bathroom or dusting (although I don't want Bailey to do much of that bc of her CF...so I guess I'll have her do things like fold the towels, separate laundry).


*Continue to clear table but now alternate nights of setting the table and then loading dishwasher.


*Alternate nights of helping Mommy with dinner.


This seems reasonable to me.  What are your kids chores?

goals

I am not a good goal-finisher.  I don't know what my problem is, but I am not a highly motivated person.  There's things I'd love to accomplish, and I just don't.  There are many things I do accomplish, this isn't a Brynn-sucks-at-all-things kind of post, but really, there is a handful of goals I have had FOR YEARS, that have not been completed.  

*Losing weight.  I haven't had the nerve to weigh myself since my BIL's wedding 2 days after Christmas, as the minute I wrangled myself out of my control-top pantyhose, Spanx and dress I was indulging in everything that wasn't nailed down...but I think I lost about 8 lbs over the year.  I'll take it over nothing, but for the past several years at New Years I have said over the year I would lose 50, and once again, I didn't.  Sigh.

*Getting my albums up to date.  I have many done, but several incomplete.  

*Learning how to sell things online.

*Learning how to do things techno-wise instead of long hand.  See, I don't even know how to describe that - what I mean is I want to learn how to be higher tech.  Like using Quicken or something like that.  Goes with the learning how to sell online - I just don't know how to do stuff.  Like make picture albums on my computer - and I have a Mac!  Sin.

You get the gist.  You'd think I wouldn't make any resolutions, but I actually love writing out goals.  So here are this years, and I think it's very reasonable.

2012 - the year Brynn gets a clue.

*A bag a day for 30 days. - One bag of whatever has to leave my house every day to be donated or trashed.  So far a huge bag of papers I was meaning to shred has been burned in our firepit, and 2 bags of clothing from my closet is in my van to be dropped at goodwill.  Later today I am going through the girls dressers.

*Along these lines, getting organized.  I want every nook and cranny of my small house to be organized.  So far I have done my living room hutch, the 2 hall closets and half of my closet.  I want to rid myself of my slight (more than slight) hoarder-ish mentality of "what if I need/want that someday" and "but my kid wrote her name on it and she won't always write her name like that..."

*Adhering to a stricter budget.  I'm thinking of crossing over to a mostly cash budget, but don't know if I can hack it.  We use our CC for everything, then pay it off every month.  But I KNOW we'd spend far less if we used cash.  I want to save more money this year, and complete a few spending goals like getting my much-wished-for hardwood floors, paying off CHOP's bill (although we'll just rack up a new one in Feb, but still), paying for Disney before we go, etc.  Along these lines, I want to bring in more income.

*Making healthy choices, all across the board.  Growing closer to the Lord, and actually listening to him.  Praying more, reading my Bible more, studying more.  Being kind to Kevin, loving him the way he needs/wants - not just the way that's easy for me.  Modeling character traits that I want my girls to develop - a spirit of gratitude, loving, generous, patient.  Being more physically active (we joined a new gym a few days ago and yesterday the girls went swimming, they love it!), making better choices for my health, which hopefully will help my weight.

I know these goals seem lofty.  But I am hopeful, and I know with God's help, if I am obedient He will help me.