Dreams

Bailey had a nightmare this week, and it freaked her out so much she was crying in school the next day.  She has only had a few nightmares, but they really traumatize her.  This past one, she dreamt that Taylor had an "itching disease" that made her whole body burn up and eat itself, and then she died.  Poor thing!  Of course as she recounted this to me the next morning, Taylor was right there and her eyes became as big as saucers hearing about Bailey dreaming that her skin had pointy things that stuck out and turned red and ate itself.  We had a nice chat.

Every few months I have a nightmare, and thankfully I have an understanding husband who will - probably in his sleep but I'll take it - ask me what it was about at 3am and then hold me until I fall back asleep.  Sometimes I can't go back to sleep bc it's so upsetting...like the one where I dreamt Bailey had a "Mr Wilson" in her school who stole her and she was a missing child.  That was AWFUL and I seriously thought about keeping her home from school the next day.  If she had a teacher named Mr Wilson I certainly would have been panicked!

Last night I didn't have a nightmare, but my dream was unpleasant.  I dreamt I ran into my ex-boyfriend...we dated in high school for a couple years but I haven't seen him at all since I started college in '97.  He was very special to me, my first love if you will....and I have wondered over the years here and there if he's as happy as I am, if he has love in his life.  Anyway, I dreamt we ran into each other and he looked me up and down, and then said, "Oh.  You look..."  And so I said, "Weathered?"  And he said, "Yeah...I guess...different."

That was it, then I woke up.  I promptly told Kevin, who assured me I don't look weathered...but he's biased of course :)  Thank God  Kevin loves me so much.  He sees me through these rose colored glasses, and I don't know why except that he just loves me and I am just so thankful for that.  If I did run into my ex, I would be so embarrassed about how I look.  I rarely pay to get my hair done, I get like 2 pedicures a year, never a manicure, my clothes are usually the colors of dark and darker, and of course there's my weight.

Today I kept thinking about being "weathered." I thought, you know I have done a lot of things I'm proud of since he and I broke up... and I was not thinking about that, just what he would think if he looked at me.   Or I guess what I'm assuming he would think.  Because if I ran into him and he maybe had a receding hairline, or a few wrinkles (no way would he be fat, it's just not in his DNA) I wouldn't really see that.  I'd see the same eyes of the young boy who was the first boy to tell me he loved me, who bought me a ring for my 16th birthday from the Best store (that's really what the store was called), who wrote me love letters and took me to my school dances, who listened to me cry my eyes out for hours when I failed my driving test.  I'd hope to see happiness in his face, that he is doing well in life and has love.

Well, it was just a dream.  I may be a bit weathered...I have stretch marks, an 8yr old minivan not to mention an 8 yr old kid, bills, responsibilities.  I'm no high school kid anymore.

Thank God.

I'm going to go snuggle my husband now.