a follow-up

Good morning!  Ok, so I wanted to write a P.S. to my prior blog post about the living nativity.  I received a comment that left me wanting to elaborate.

First, I am so thankful that so many people have had a wonderful experience visiting the living nativity.  The fact that a church has the funds in this weak economy - and the volunteer man power - to pull off offering a free community outreach as large as the living nativity, is amazing.  How many families, perhaps because it was free, or because they offered hot chocolate and refreshments, went ahead and spent the evening there with their families and heard about what Christmas is REALLY about?  How many people perhaps now will visit that church again, and hear more about Jesus as Savior?  

Second, my post was NOT about the nativity, it was about the WAIT.  That is really important!  It was a joke.  Kevin would never make a joke about anything concerning his relationship with Jesus, it is sacred to him.  Every morning that he does not leave before the children wake, we pray as a family together about our day ahead, and Bailey reads from her Bible.  We talk every night about how we saw God that day, and we attend church together - more than once - every week.  I don't need to explain my husband's spiritual life to you, but I don't want it being questioned, so I thought I would let you know Kevin does in fact have a strong faith.  He simply was joking around about the hours we spent waiting for the walk-through of the nativity.

So many friends have said that since they got there early, they were able to enjoy the nativity scenes.  Please go, and see the hundreds of hours of work this church put into this ministry.  The actors, the props, the message itself, about what Christmas is REALLY about, is simply amazing.  I am going to call the church next year and ask what day and time is the best to go, and we will visit it again, because it really is wonderful.

Also, even though the wait was long, and Kevin ended up getting ill (and made a few jokes!) I was so thankful about the conversation my girls and I had afterwards.  They asked a lot of questions, and we were able to look the Scripture up together and talk about it.  Interestingly, their main interest afterwards was about Satan not the nativity, bc the church put on a skit about Adam and Eve while we were in the sanctuary.  They were asking about how Satan can disguise himself...and we told them about the background of Satan, and what presence he tries to have in our lives now.  

So in summary, we encourage you to go early to the nativity, do not let my prior blog post about the wait discourage you please.  I would hope - to my few readers that I have - that my words would not weigh so heavily as to change your mind if you were planning to attend.  In addition, I have the feeling that if I continue to write on this blog, not everyone will like what I have to say.  That's perfectly ok - I don't like everything everyone else has to say, either!  And that doesn't mean we can't be friends, or enjoy each other if we are family :)  I don't ever want to offend anyone, and if you're worried I might, please don't read.  This blog serves as my journal, a glimpse into my life.  I'm not handing out pamphlets with my opinions :)  But my hope is that much more often than not, I can encourage someone, not tear anyone down.  That makes me very sad, thinking I might ever do that.  I spend hours a week giving to others, and trying to encourage and uplift - I would hate to think anything I ever say or do would be counterintuitive to that end.  

Thank you for reading.  My next post will be about what Taylor thinks I should do with my life - it will add some levity for sure :)

Kevin's turn

Kevin's WAY funnier than I am.  It's one of the things I love most about him.  He makes me laugh at almost anything.

Unless I'm really pissed at him, and there's nothing funny about that.

This picture has nothing to do with this post.  It was taken at Tatie's pre-k
 graduation this past June.  But it's nice to put a face with a name, right?

So tonight we went to a neighboring town to see an acclaimed Living Nativity.  When I say acclaimed, I mean I heard maybe 2 people say it was awesome, and I saw a bunch of signs for it.  I then drew the conclusion that it must be amazing - and it was free - so I had my hopes on this being a memory for the books.

It ran from 5-8.  We wanted to take the girls to Pizza Hut afterwards (read above - memory for the books remember?) and wanted them in bed early, since they stayed up late last night, sleeping over my in-laws.

Yes, that was awesome.  But I can't get off topic.

So we show up shortly after 5, so we could have the rest of our evening as we planned.  Our first indication that we were in over our heads should have been the 10 men with glowsticks directing where to park - and the huge lot was already filled.  Hmm, I mused, I thought this just started at 5?  Did everyone get here early?

So we get out of the car, and Taylor's already complaining about the line.  We're not even IN the line yet.

Fast forward a LONG wait outside in line, to get inside the church to wait in another line, to get a letter (that's how we would know our group was ready to be called - we were letter P and I will probably remember that for the rest of my life) , to sit in the sanctuary (which was nice actually - music, a little skit, and no less than 50 children screaming NoNoNoNoNo....but we couldn't be upset with them, it's just not socially acceptable to be an adult and scream), to wait in ANOTHER line...

We finally get outside to see the nativity scenes.  2 1/2 hours have passed, along with our sense of humor.  We left before the scenes were done, we couldn't feel our toes any longer, and Kevin actually was feeling ill.

"She'll see it later, Clark, her eyes are frozen."  Name that movie.

So anyway, that's the backstory for the note Kevin just wrote me, that I had to share.  Because see, I couldn't just write a "Top Ten Things Better than the Living Nativity" without a backstory.  You'd wonder if we'd lost our religion.

Here it is - Kevin's Top Ten Things Better than the Living Nativity.

10.  Listening to Oprah radio
9.  Watching the Mets win the World Series
8.  Getting kicked in the crotch
7.  Watching highlights of all of the Duggar's births
6.  Getting my cavity filled without novocaine
5.  Wearing a rat fur around a hungry boa
4.  Watching 2011 Eagles season
3.  Handtied in a room with Sandusky and Fine
2.  Getting locked in a closet with Wolverine
1.  Anything

Don't let that deter you from stopping by...they put so much work into it, and it really was well done.  Just get there at 10am to get a crack at it before half of the tri-state areas joins in.

another embarrassing story

For you Niki, since I seem to entertain you with stories that are humiliating for me, haha for you. :)

I coupon.  I spend a chunk of time cutting and organizing my coupons, and then planning my trip to whatever store has a great sale.  A few weeks ago, I was on my way out the door while the kids were in school, to go to the grocery.  Hadn't eaten yet, so I made myself a fruit smoothie, and drank it in the car.

I was feeling great - childless, gonna save some major money, beautiful day, life is good.  Singing in the car kind of good.

I get to the store, and my good mood continues.  They have enough of the products that I want to score my deal, and I practically skip through the store, saying - and smiling - hello to stockers, other shoppers, small children.

I check out, and the cashier takes note of my deal, and we get to talking about coupons.  I notice she looks deeply at me, and I wondered if maybe she is a little special.

You know special...

I get to my car, unload and am heading home.  My tongue moves along my teeth and it feels like there's something there.  At a red light, I lower my visor mirror and...

I have approximately 50 chewed up pieces of blueberry and strawberry seeds stuck in my teeth.  My teeth were COVERED in chunks of fruit.  I didn't know what to do for a second, I just stared at myself, mortified I was in public like that!!

So who's....you know...special, now?  The cashier probably couldn't figure out how I haven't managed to coupon my way to a toothbrush.

Next up, the time my boob fell out of my shirt.  Or maybe I should keep that one to myself.

Spanx Me

My brother-in-law is getting married 2 days after Christmas, to his girl of 4 years who I LOVE.  I am so happy about this upcoming wedding!  My girls are going to be the flower girls, Kevin is best man and they have asked me to do a reading.  That means people are going to be looking at me.  Which means, I need to wear Spanx under my dress.

I found a dress I love, and it was a real treat because it's a size 14W (the W is for Womens not Wide, like I thought for years...but really, you say tomata, I say tomato) - and I am not a 14.  More like a 16.  No, an 18.  Why not just tell it like it is, it's like being pregnant, you can't hide it.

Unless you're like one of those "I didn't know I was pregnant" women on that TLC show.  How do you NOT know you're pregnant until you're popping out a kid on a toilet?!  But I digress.

So anyway, I found this beautiful dress.  God blessed me, because I tried on a ton of dresses that either made me look like a tent or I couldn't zip it up.  I had been trying on dresses in the "regular" section, but then had to bite my pride, and ask a salesgirl if they had a womens section (Macy's).  She started to say they didn't have one, and another salesgirl butted in and said that they did, but it was small and all the way at the back of the store by the bathrooms.

That walk, through the 2nd floor of Macy's, was long.  I was with my mom, and couldn't look at her for fear I would cry.  Why are the fatties banned to the back of the store?  Once we were there, there was a dismal selection of black, brown and blue dresses.  It was like they were saying, "You are allowed to go to a funeral, but no fun for you.  There is no such thing as a fat girl getting a dress to go somewhere fun. Who do you think you are?"  So I walked around the few racks, and hidden in one was this champagne colored dress with some beading around the middle and a little jacket, 3 quarter sleeves...I loved it.  No others like it and a size 14...but I thought, I'll just see what it looks like and maybe I can find it at another store.

It fit, my mom and I were almost jumping up and down.

So fast forward to last weekend, I head back to the mall, this time to Boscov's where I had heard their store brand of Spanx was less expensive and fit better.  Because, dear friends, the last time I wore a Spanx I got a horrible rash where the fabric cut into me, and I might have torn the crotch trying to take it off.

No not might have.  I tore the crotch.

I needed a new one also because with this dress I had to get the kind that had a strapless bra built in.  So I start looking at them (the kind that has the bra and then goes all the way to mid thigh - it's a little scary), and realize that they're only giving the bra size...I was expecting to see L, XL, etc.  So I choose my bra size and then head back, looking at this garment and wondering how on earth how it is a "one size fits all" kind of situation.

I undress, which is never pleasant...things always look worse in a department store dressing room.  When will they learn that women will buy more if their lighting was better?!  I suck in my breath, and start in.  It took considerable maneuvering, some swearing, a prayer and I was panting by the time that thing was on.  But it does the job, and I admire how my thighs are missing a few of their regular ripples, and my stomach is smoother.  Ok I'll buy it.

Wait, ohmygoodness.  How am I going to get this thing off?  What if I rip it?  I stand there for a minute, not knowing what my next move should be.  Should I start from the top, and just slowly roll it down?  Yes, that's smart, go slow.  My mom starts to ask if I'm ok in there, do I need help?  Help would be good Ma, just go ahead and trim about 50 pounds off my stomach and my ass so I don't have to be sweating bullets in a Boscov's lady's dressing room where no less than 20 women over the age of 70 have come in and gone, trying on their bosom holders and slips...wondering how and if I'm ever going to remove what has become a second skin off of me.

The end of this story is that I did in fact get out of the generic-brand-Spanx, and it is now hanging in my closet, laughing at me until the wedding.  I hear it, late at night, taunting me.  A best friend/worst enemy kind of situation.

I will add this to my list of Top Ten things that scare the living daylights out of me.  Wondering if I had to be cut out of a Spanx in a dressing room.

Perspective

I've been thinking a lot lately about perspective.  A week or so ago (all my days run together...) I went with 3 MOPS friends to visit a pediatric care facility that houses 119 severely disabled children.  I think the term 'disabled' is now a faux pas, but you need to understand these children have extreme physical needs.  A few times I had to pray to God to stop my tears from coming out of my eyes...He did.  I had to put my mind in a different place once or twice, because to be actually emotionally present would have led to completely breaking down.  Now, because of Bailey's quarterly CHOP visits, I have seen many children incapacitated and what usually brings me to tears is not their lot, but the way my child reacts to it.  With empathy, and deep love.  Prayers, and giving her deserved stickers and erasers to them, even though they can't see or know she is giving.  But this time, my emotions were for the children...all that they would never be able to do, and their parents.  I'm still thinking about the parents.

My children can run, skip, swim, dive, jump.... their children will never set their toes to the floor.

My children can read, write, sing, communicate, say 'I Love You'....their children mostly can not.

My children can eat and drink...their children will never know the taste of a cherished family recipe.

My children see, hear, feel, understand....these parents are left to wonder what their child thinks of their world.

My children have social relationships, and will have boyfriends....these parents will never sit in a pew on their child's wedding day.

My children's bodies are healthy and able to have babies someday....their children will not be able to make them grandparents.

From morning to evening, there a million things my girls will do that these kids will never be able to.  Of course I knew this before, but it was not a presence in my mind, certainly not daily.  It would come to mind when I saw a particular child with needs....the whole "Lord, care for him/her.  But thank you it is not my child."  True, right?

Both Bailey and Taylor have a need that yes, I wish they didn't.  Bailey's future is unknown (except by her Maker!!!) with her CF, and I admit that I feel much fear sometimes.  I try not to, because I know God doesn't want me to and I pray it's all for naught, perhaps there will be a cure or perhaps her mutation is mild enough it doesn't ever manifest itself into serious lung disease and, God forbid, premature death.  I pray.  Taylor's sensory needs are manageable, and getting easier for her and Kevin and I to navigate every day.  Both of our girls are just so healthy, I just have been FILLED with a spirit of gratitude that has not left me, since my visit to this center.  I catch myself appreciating things in a deeper, more emotional way, than I had before.  The way their hands clasp together when we pray.  The fact that they can pray.  The way they shimmy their bums after a shower in their towels.  Running ahead of me in the store.  Sitting cross legged together playing with their polly pockets, using their fingers to grasp the tiny pieces.  I've been marveling at the complex way - yet easily overlooked, seemingly, effortlessly simple - their bodies work.

And still...and STILL...I have been also forgetting.  Catching myself exasperated when they're running ahead of me in the store.  Playing polly pockets before school....hurry up the bus is going to come!!  Stop dancing around, it's past your bedtime, dry off already!

To be sure, I try to be patient with my kids.  It is in my mind daily, that this little-girl time of their life is precious.  Speeding by.  If you have read my blog at all, you know this is a struggle for me!!!  I enjoy where we are now, but I mourn for days that were, even though I have already knowingly romanticized them in my mind!!!  I try to enjoy them, knowing their childlike hearts are sacred.  Knowing that they won't always want to crawl on my lap....when they do now, their long, gangly legs curl around mine, toes touching the floor.  I know they won't always want me to sing them bedtime lullies, so I try to be patient when they ask for one more.  But I get tired, I get shortsighted...I am a MOM.  Pulled in many different directions at any given time.  Feeling underappreciated, feeling spent.

But I am praying to keep my perspective, I want to keep my sight on how blessed my life is with my family.  Sure my children will need disciplined - often - and it would be a rare person that doesn't lose her cool when she happens upon a child who mistook a permanent marker for a regular one and didn't have a placemat underneath...on the carpet.   But that really doesn't matter.  My children need to learn of course, but I need to remember what really matters, what's important.

I need to keep perspective.

I thought I'd never allow it...

As I write this, my girls are watching a Barbie movie.  UCK!  I was thinking about how pre-children, especially pre-girls-influenced-by-other-girls, I thought I'd never let them have Barbies, much less 10, much less watch Barbie movies.  If we had a bigger house they might even have a Barbie house with a Barbie car parked out front.  With 2 scantily clad Barbies who have perky, big breasts compared to their skinny, tiny waists, tucked inside.

And here we are.  Why did I abandon my principles?  How did I get over my disgust of Barbie enough to let her and some of her closest pals move inside my house?!  It happened slowly I guess.

Another I-thought-I'd-never is Spongebob.  The girls saw a show playing on the tv somewhere - I forget where, maybe a dentist's office or something - and they cracked up.  A lot.  Which made me crack up.  So I let them watch a show once in a while, saying "Remember girls, we don't talk like that..." when Spongebob would say 'stupid' or other offensive comments.  Recently, I have said no to them watching that particular show at all, because I thought I could actually hear their brain cells dying.

For now, Barbie has a home here.  And Ken.  What happened to Skipper, wasn't she Barbie's right hand girl?  Anyway, I think most parents have relented on a thing or two.  What has been yours?

My pretty pretties, at Easter.  The Easter bunny gave them a Barbie.

My 2 cents about marriage

So Kevin and I recently started attending a marriage tune-up series within our small group at church.  We had become involved with this small group several months ago - there are 6 or 7 couples, most of them were good friends of ours already and the rest we have been getting to know better.  What's nice is that we have become more comfortable over these past months so that now as we're getting into more "heavy lifting" we can feel more open with sharing with the group.  Well, I'm usually always open and most of the girls in our group are too...I'm thinking about the men.

Anyway, this past week was the first video in the series.  Then we went over a handout and answered some questions and talked about it a bit.  It was a catalyst for Kevin and I to talk more with each other, which is always good.  We are talkers (yes, shocking I know!) yes, but we don't often really delve into our thoughts about our marriage, unless it's positive.   When we do talk about the negative, it seems to be before or after a fight.  Or during.  Hmmm.

This week I have been thinking about marriage - the different marriages I have witnessed, and why some have failed, some have survived but not thrived, and the few that are simply amazing.  I have a few opinions - and like this blog itself, it's JUST my opinion.

For a marriage to thrive I think -

*They need Jesus!!  Jesus is the only true model of grace, forgiveness, selflessness, love.  For a Christian marriage that prioritizes faith and following Jesus, I believe they will receive blessings.  Going to church regularly as a family, and participating in other church offered activities seems to bring couples and families closer together.

*It helps to have some money.  That is a blanket statement but from what I see/read - many couples fight A LOT about money when they have none, and when they have a lot there are other problems caused in part from it.  So some seems good.   Also, when you have some, you can enjoy the money...a decent home in a good neighborhood, paying your bills in full, having some fun with it.  When you are broke, the stress both partners feel trying to earn the money, and then deciding what-gets-paid-when, etc etc...adds a lot of stress.  Stress leads to arguing, less sex, and other unpleasantries.  They say money is a big factor in our country's horrid divorce rate.

*The couple should have very similar parenting philosophies.

*It helps to have a strong support system of family and friends that have BOTH of your backs.

*A couple should prioritize time alone, and not just 15 minutes while the kids watch a cartoon on a Saturday morning.   Date nights and getaways are priceless...but come with a price...so this is where the some money part is helpful again.  And the strong support system so you have babysitters.

*Now this is JUST my observation, so please no offense.  AND this is true only for couples who have children living at home - but it seems to me that the more outside work both partners do, the more stress at home. SO, in an ideal situation, I would think a marriage would benefit from one partner working less or not at all outside the home.

*Along those lines, it seems that when a couple has defined "chores" or if they're both on the same page about housework and childrearing, all the better.   Fighting about who does what/when and how much sleep they get or lose, or whose turn it is to do what....these small fights add up to feelings of resentment and bitterness.  When a couple fights about who's going to do the laundry, or take out the trash...my feeling is, they are saying "I feel disrespected that you haven't done this chore, because I have done this-this-and-this and I am feeling used and abused...."

*A strong daily language of gratitude and love goes a long way.  It appears that the more respectful and loving the couple speaks to each other, the more respectful and loving they feel towards each other.

*A couple that lays together, stays together.  That's not true...but it helps.

*And...how about a couple that prays together, plays together...

*BUT having your own hobbies and time with friends separate from your spouse is healthy too.


*If a family has a special needs child, it seems to me that for a couple to remain healthfully and happily married, they need to have MORE of everything listed above.  More money - insurance.  More support - time outs individually and together.  More attention to detail, more sweet talk between the couple, more respect, more gratitude, more more more.

*And last but not least....HUMOR!

I am sure there are many other factors that lead to a healthy marriage, and every marriage is different.  For me, I had to have the kind of man that helped me shower after my difficult labor and c-section with Bailey.  I still remember the feeling of love that came over me as he so tenderly washed me and didn't mind all of the blood and gore that came with childbirth.  For others, the wife is happier keeping everything under wraps - literally.  But finding what works is key, and feeling satisfied, heard, and loved.

Kevin and I love being married, but certainly have had too many arguments to count, and more tears than could fill a bucket.  It's a work in progress and will be until the day we die.  But I'm excited to learn more tools and ways to help our marriage along, so we don't just endure it, but enjoy it.