i want to be in the light...

so today i was driving in my freshly cleaned van (love that) by myself while the girls were in school, listening to my fave radio station, K-Love.  It's a Christian station, and it brings me such joy, conviction...not to mention i love the songs!  well, today they played DC Talk's 'In the Light'... 

"what's going on inside of me?  i despise my own behavior.  This only serves to confirm my suspicions, that i'm still a man in need of a savior...I want to BE IN THE LIGHT, AS YOU ARE IN THE LIGHT, I WANT TO SHINE LIKE THE STARS IN THE HEAVENS....OH LORD BE MY LIGHT and BE MY SALVATION, CAUSE ALL I WANT IS TO BE in the LIGHT."

i was driving, singing, crying, longing to be BETTER, to be more like my Lord.  This morning kevin was gone, he had a work overnite in NYC and the girls were really acting out - leaving for school only 5 minutes late was nothing short of miraculous.  But of course that was also because yours truly here wore her standard issue of little make-up, hair in pony and sweats.  uck.  anyway, they had a great time at school celebrating Easter, which was great.  then off to another assessment at Sensational Kids, this time for occupational therapy for taylor, and although that went well in the sense that her therapist Miss Judy thinks she can help her, she doesn't know if taylor may be on the Autism spectrum - possibly Aspergers, high-functioning.   no no no no.   Lord, please move mountains.  If taylor is autistic, be with us Lord.  HELP us.  Bring people into our life to continue to help taylor, to guide her in healing and coping skills.  tomorrow is behavioral therapy, hoping it goes well.  

i want to be in the light.  but it's hard getting there, through the Refiner's fire.