take two

Well here I am, aren't you glad.  I hadn't even known where to find this blog, it's been so long since I've written.  But my life has been hectic and writing brings me perspective, so I am going to try this again.  I guess it will be a little of this and that - ramblings on my every day life.  So I'll just dive right in.

Bailey is 7 and Taylor is 5.  Bailey is in 1st grade and doing very well.  She has Cystic Fibrosis but doesn't let that slow her down from the things she loves - attending church activities, playing with friends, swimming, Wii-ing, and just acting like a kid.  She has the most tender heart of anyone I know and I adore my first born princess.  Taylor is in pre-k, her 2nd year in a special education classroom at our local elementary school.  Just yesterday she was diagnosed as on the Autism spectrum, with PDD-NOS.  More on that later - that is why I am awake at this awful hour!  But she is a joy, a light, a firecracker, a sweetheart.  She also loves to play and have fun.  Her laugh is literally my favorite sound in the whole world - it's throaty, genuine, and if you hear it, you've earned it.  She is no faker.

I am still learning what is needed to be a mommy to 2 special needs kids.  My life hasn't exactly turned out the way I thought it would - not to mention my waistline.  But how can I complain with a view like mine - beautiful brown eyes no matter where I look.  But complain I do - in my heart, I struggle sometimes with the hand I've been dealt, mostly because I want everything for my children. When they suffer, my heart breaks into a million pieces.  I want HEALTH for them, JOY, LOVE, PEACE.  Some things that come so easily for other families, are hard-won for mine.  I still get jealous sometimes, looking at seemingly healthy, happy families - with multiple, no-needs children - and I don't understand why both of my girls have a hardship to overcome.

I can't talk about all of this without telling you that these are my emotions - and I am a VERY emotional person.  My poor husband, thankfully he finds humor in my moods.  But my heart and my head KNOW that this life is a gift from God - and He never said it was going to be easy.  But He DOES tell me to come to Him when I am weary, and He will give me rest.   He tells me that He has a plan for me and for my family, to not harm us, but to give us a future.  He tells me he died for me, so that I could have eternal life.  So I will get bogged down from time to time with the daily monotony of challenges, laundry, bills and child-rearing, but my hope is in Jesus, my Savior, and he does bring me peace and strength.

Our 3 cats are now fighting, which is code for "We know you're up and haven't fed us yet, so we're going to annoy the you-know-what out of you until you get downstairs and plop down some goodness for us."  I can smell the coffee brewing, which Kevin makes me for each morning, although he doesn't drink any himself.  No matter what else may happen today, I am starting my day knowing Kevin thinks of me the minute he wakes up, by making me that coffee.  That feeling tastes even sweeter than the Bailey's creamer I put in it - which is pretty sweet being that I got it for free (and more on how I have cut our grocery bill in more than half later too).  Thank you for bearing with me as I get this blog up and running.