Wednesday, January 19, 2011

take two

Well here I am, aren't you glad.  I hadn't even known where to find this blog, it's been so long since I've written.  But my life has been hectic and writing brings me perspective, so I am going to try this again.  I guess it will be a little of this and that - ramblings on my every day life.  So I'll just dive right in.

Bailey is 7 and Taylor is 5.  Bailey is in 1st grade and doing very well.  She has Cystic Fibrosis but doesn't let that slow her down from the things she loves - attending church activities, playing with friends, swimming, Wii-ing, and just acting like a kid.  She has the most tender heart of anyone I know and I adore my first born princess.  Taylor is in pre-k, her 2nd year in a special education classroom at our local elementary school.  Just yesterday she was diagnosed as on the Autism spectrum, with PDD-NOS.  More on that later - that is why I am awake at this awful hour!  But she is a joy, a light, a firecracker, a sweetheart.  She also loves to play and have fun.  Her laugh is literally my favorite sound in the whole world - it's throaty, genuine, and if you hear it, you've earned it.  She is no faker.

I am still learning what is needed to be a mommy to 2 special needs kids.  My life hasn't exactly turned out the way I thought it would - not to mention my waistline.  But how can I complain with a view like mine - beautiful brown eyes no matter where I look.  But complain I do - in my heart, I struggle sometimes with the hand I've been dealt, mostly because I want everything for my children. When they suffer, my heart breaks into a million pieces.  I want HEALTH for them, JOY, LOVE, PEACE.  Some things that come so easily for other families, are hard-won for mine.  I still get jealous sometimes, looking at seemingly healthy, happy families - with multiple, no-needs children - and I don't understand why both of my girls have a hardship to overcome.

I can't talk about all of this without telling you that these are my emotions - and I am a VERY emotional person.  My poor husband, thankfully he finds humor in my moods.  But my heart and my head KNOW that this life is a gift from God - and He never said it was going to be easy.  But He DOES tell me to come to Him when I am weary, and He will give me rest.   He tells me that He has a plan for me and for my family, to not harm us, but to give us a future.  He tells me he died for me, so that I could have eternal life.  So I will get bogged down from time to time with the daily monotony of challenges, laundry, bills and child-rearing, but my hope is in Jesus, my Savior, and he does bring me peace and strength.

Our 3 cats are now fighting, which is code for "We know you're up and haven't fed us yet, so we're going to annoy the you-know-what out of you until you get downstairs and plop down some goodness for us."  I can smell the coffee brewing, which Kevin makes me for each morning, although he doesn't drink any himself.  No matter what else may happen today, I am starting my day knowing Kevin thinks of me the minute he wakes up, by making me that coffee.  That feeling tastes even sweeter than the Bailey's creamer I put in it - which is pretty sweet being that I got it for free (and more on how I have cut our grocery bill in more than half later too).  Thank you for bearing with me as I get this blog up and running.

1 comment:

  1. I'm loving reading your newly found blog page brynn! Thanks fir sharing it and for adding me as a friend on FB otherwise I never would have seen it. Ironically I too started a blog on here several years ago and just re found it... Though I've never written one post yet nor properly named it!!! Perhaps yours will inspire me now to put "pen to paper"!! I too have two special needs kids, out of three total and struggle daily with mommy hood and how my life has changed in these past 7 yrs since Jake arrived. Keep up the writing!