Saturday, February 4, 2012

locker room lava

Once a week the girls go swimming at our local gym.  My girls LOVE to swim, and we are counting down the weeks (ok, until we can go to the pool all the time.  I should say pools plural - we hit up our community pool, my in-laws community pool, my mom's pool and any friend that is brave enough to have us.  Not to mention the beach.  Ahhh, the beach...

Anyway, pool time is usually uneventful, besides the occasional scraped toe or something.  But today, today there was an event.

Today during swim time, I took note of an older woman - 70/80ish I guess, who was there swimming with her husband.  She didn't smile at my girls, which is always a red flag to me that says, "I will not be impressed or think it is cute, if your children come into my laplane or splash anywhere near me.  I am here for business."  I understand that not everyone is a kid-person - I don't get it, but I understand.  We had no run-ins in the pool, and I was so content that it was a successful hour of swim.

The girls showered, and Bailey of course was done in half the time as Tate, and was drying her hair.  I was helping Taylor get dressed, when out walks the lady from the pool.  She had just showered and was only in a towel.  She was a bigger lady, but fat rolls and drooping bubbies isn't anything that Taylor hasn't already seen.  All the same, I was looking her deeply in the eyes while trying to shove her feet into her too-small boots, saying telepathically, "Taylor Elise, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT."  Taylor knows this look, and was looking back at me, telepathically saying, "Mom, you piss me off.  Get off my back."

I get this look often, as she is too scared to say it out loud.  She should be scared.

Anyway, over the years, I have had many-a-discussion with T. about how we can just think things, and not say them.  I tell her if she has a question about how someone looks, smells, sounds....ask Mommy in private.  She has really grown over the years, and really does understand this I think, and she tries to not hurt people's feelings.  Of course, she is still Taylor who not only has an opinion about EVERYTHING under the sun and has to TELL you her opinion, but has a sensory disorder and some things just tick different with her.

Let's get back to Taylor and I eye-communicating.  It was going well, she was remaining mute, even though I could tell out of the corner of my eye that the lady was now dropping trou, and Taylor, who had a full view, was about to get an eyeful.  I was nervous that any second Taylor would erupt, but we were almost done and I was trying to wisk her off to the hairdryers.  I could not anticipate what was about to happen.

The lady, bless-her-heart-even-though-she-didn't-smile-at-my-girls, WET-FARTED.  A big one.  And then said nothing.  Maybe she didn't feel or hear it?

Well, Taylor certainly did, and her eyes grew about 4 inches in diameter, and I knew I was done.  My eyes were blinking fast, telepathically saying, "Taylor, please for the love of God, just don't say anything...." and I was telling her to hurry up, we needed to get Daddy pretzels, wasn't she hungry?

She ignored my eye-blinking and my fast talk about pretzels and said -

"Mommy, did you do that big beanie?  Was that from your heiney?"

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