Tuesday, May 14, 2013

dragging feet

Why is it when we know exactly what to do, how to do it and how much we need to do it -- we still don't?  I'm not the only one with this problem, or there would be very few smokers, rarely a chunky girl to be seen, and hardly any hardcore drug users and alcoholics.


I am anxious to see in the decades to follow how far researchers and doctors can come within this broad area of study.  Isn't it fascinating?  And terrible.  Why is it that some people can drink a few cocktails, like myself, and enjoy them but then not pick up a drink for months with no desire whatsoever.  But others, with that predisposition perhaps, to alcoholism can not stop...even losing their jobs, families, home, health, etc.  That's a lot to lose!!!  And yet they can't stop, not usually without medical and psychological intervention.

I have realized over the last several years that I have a mediocre addiction to food.  I am not so addicted that I eat bags of something, or weigh 500lbs where my life is a DiscoveryHealth tv show.  I haven't had Dr. Oz show up at my front door.  But there's certainly an addiction here.  A friend of mine and I made a joke about being holed up in a cabin with  our "trainer" (I take an exercise class once a week with a girl who's one tough nugget...but sweet as pie...mmm...pie (Homer Simpson, I digress).  Anyway, that would scare the jip out of me.  Same goes with weight loss surgery - I am thankful it exists, I think it's life saving for many people.  But I can't imagine not getting to eat some of my favorite dishes ever again.

If you have read my blog or know me at all, I make no bones about this area of my life.  I could talk about it in front of a room full of strangers in fact.  (Side note - I had a dream I was a public speaker and I LOVED it.  Adding that to my list of "Somehow/Someway/Someday").   I get more embarrassment walking up to the beach in my tent of a cover up with skinny friends than I do writing on this blog for instance.

Said coverup above.  Hard to see because I'm hiding behind my children.

I know so many women are in my boat...and we want to get out...and we know HOW to get out...but it's SO hard.

The few times in my life I lost a chunk of weight something just clicked in my head and I just did it.  Nothing could tempt me.

The last few months I have been making a few changes.  Exercising more, eating just a tiny bit less.  I've lost a few pounds but with MANY pounds to go, it can feel overwhelming.  I keep trying to remind myself that even just one pound off is one pound off of my ass, my tummy or my chins for crying out loud.

But more than that, I have been trying to get at the root of why this is an area of need for me.  Why is this such a struggle?  I KNOW the blessings that would come from a healthier body and lifestyle - not to mention the example I would set for my girls!

I don't know the answer to that, but I commit today - just today - to pray for God's help to abstain from anything that's unhealthy for me and to exercise.  String a bunch of "todays" together and improved health would surely result.

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