If the title leaves a question as to my mood, I will tell you. I love food (duh) and it is a comfort in my life. I wish it wasn't, but it is. And today was a long, very draining day and at almost 9pm I am really hungry and really ready to take a load off. Which is where the Chinese food comes in. Mmmm it will be so good and my couch will be so soft, and I am hoping something good is on tv.
So I woke up at 6am after going to bed at 2am = not enough sleep for me. I had to get the girls packed up for a day away from home - I had to bring the van in to be worked on and my MIL was going to bring us to ChickFilA, then the mall for a movie while she went to the dentist, then to the pool and tonight Bailey had her softball party. Aside from my heart attack when I found out how much the van work was going to be, everything was busy but great.
And then we had the softball party. It was held at a local ice cream place, one we had not been to before.
And that should have been Clue #1 that Tatie might have a hard time. Clue #2 would be that it would be loud, Clue #3 would have been that she would be tired from the day and #4 would have been sharing Bailey.
So the thing is, Bailey is extremely social. She ran into the ice cream parlor hugging her friends, laughing, immediately jumping in to the crowd. Taylor took it all in for a second, said "Hey!! I want friends too!" and ran to catch up with Bailey. Now that Bailey's age group is getting older, Taylor is starting to get looks when she hovers around Bailey or acts inappropriately. Tonight she was so socially inept, and it broke my heart. Made me sweat. I got some looks, and that always feels worse than stepping barefoot in dog turd on a hot sunny day.
Taylor was loud, obnoxious, had no manners, and kept trying to butt in with all the softball friends. I kept trying to reel her in and have her hang out with Kevin and I, but she wanted to be with Bailey and "the friends." All the other siblings were with their families, but there Taylor was, sitting at the big table, with me behind her, and every 2 seconds whispering another "Tatie, calm, shhh..."
It was exhausting. I had wished one of us had had the foresight to know how it would go down, and just took Bailey to enjoy it by herself. But it was a family party and we just didn't think. Sometimes Taylor is spot-on with behavior, and nobody would know anything was different. Then at times like tonight, you don't know what other people think...she has plenty of skills a "typical" kid would have, but she acts strangely enough to leave folks wondering. Once in awhile I get into a conversation with someone who doesn't know her well, and by the time I say her diagnosis, I get, "ohhh that's it...I thought something, but didn't know...oh!" And that feels kind of yucky, 'cause I know they're saying they could tell she was different but didn't know what it was.
Here's the thing though...if I wasn't worried what everyone else thought of her, I would be pleased with the fact that she wanted to be social!! At the beginning of her journey, she couldn't have cared less. Also, I was proud of Bailey, who not once shot Taylor a dirty look (like some of her friends did) or asked me to take Tate away. Of course they fought all the way home, but at the parlor, I took notice of that and was proud of my sister-girls.
Well, the girls are asleep now, and Kevin just walked in with my hit. When I go to bed tonight and think of the day, as I always do, I want to think about all the fun and nice moments we had today, not the moments that made me cringe or twitch. Because guess what...tomorrow we have nowhere we have to be in the morning, and that almost sounds better than digging into some chicken and broccoli. Almost.