It's happened just as I expected it would...swimsuit season is here. I'm knee deep in it. I have not enjoyed the look of myself in a suit...well, ever. That feeling has magnified - along with the size of my ass - over the years. But when I had children I swore I would ditch my issues and get in a suit bc I wanted them to love the water. I really love swimming - ocean, pool, waterpark, lake whatever. I just hate being so vulnerable in something that is but a few yards of fabric over my stretched-marked birthday suit.
Every year at the end of swim season I breath a sigh of relief and then promise myself that next season, I'll have lost tons of weight and won't mind parading myself around at the pool. It sucks when you promise yourself something and don't deliver. But I have to remind myself, that if I was talking to my daughters, or a friend, about how they feel like something like this, I would encourage and not want them to berate themselves so. I should treat myself as I would treat others, no?
So today at the pool, I really enjoyed playing with my girls. We were there for hours, and swam, jumped, tagged...it was a blast. I would have missed out on it if I was sitting in a chair. Walking by the few moms I know from the neighborhood wasn't my favorite part of the day...but I sucked it in, pulled my skirt down a bit (are you picturing it? yes, it's a bathing suit like your grammy has) and held my head high. I may not be the prettiest or thinnest, but my kids had fun with me.
I'm glad I'm sticking to at least one of my promises - wearing a bathing suit. Perhaps one of these days I'll stick to the other, and enjoy a swim season without the stress of wondering how many ripples of thigh cellulite there are peeking out from my skirt.