Whatever Wednesday

Yo.  It is 3:04 pm, about 1/2 hr until my chickies come home.  Bailey went back to school today which was l.o.v.e.l.y.  I had cried my eyes out for about 2 weeks when she started 1st grade this year, not knowing how I'd make it through every day with her gone, my angel baby, for 7 hours.  Well I've gotten quite used to angel baby being gone each day and when she is home during the week missing school and all her friends (read: whining, following me around, closing her door to her sister which makes sister furious...) I realize how nicely I've adjusted to full day school.  I see her for about 2 hrs in the morning unless my hubby's home and let's me sleep in (xoxo to you Kev) and from 3:45 on in the afternoon...and weekends...and snow days, sick days, MLK and every other kind of day...and summers.  I feel really blessed to have the best of both worlds - time when my children are in school to allow me to do other things, and time with them when they're home.

Taylor at this point spends 3 hrs/day except every other Friday in school, but next year she'll be full day like Bailey.  It's 1/2 day kindergarten in our district but they are putting her in 1/2 day "normal" kindergarten and 1/2 day special ed.  She'll leave on the morning bus wiht Bailey to go to her special kindergarten, eat lunch with them and then leave to go to normal.  A few of her friends from this year's class have the same arrangement, which is a huge relief.  She has had the same room, teacher, aides and therapists for 2 years and it's all changing - a big check-minus in Taylor's book.  So the fact that she will at least be at the same school, with a few friends, is awesome.

I'm not sure yet if I will cry as I did with Bailey, but I am sure now I will get over it.

Today I was talking with a few friends about what my plans will be for next year when both girls are gone all day.  So...I really think I want to somehow market myself as a "coupon consultant."  Several times a week I am talking coupons with people, and I love it.  I love saving money and I love talking about how.  There are so many "secrets" that people don't know about and I want to share what I know so other people can free up more money for things they want and need.  I am not sure what this will look like yet, but for starters I am going to make myself available to talk to MOPS and other mothers groups in the area.  Maybe do a workshop out of churches, libraries, etc.  Tomorrow I am speaking to a MOPS group in Cherry Hill - no charge, but great practice.  I spoke at my own MOPS group also, earlier this year.  Truly, to really delve into it, I need much more time than an hour to show people how to coupon effectively and efficiently.

So that's what I'm thinking about today.  I wish sometimes God could just call me up and tell me what He wants me to do, and what I'll be good at.  I never thought I'd want to venture into something like this, but I kind of fell into couponing, grew to really appreciate it and love it, and now I think perhaps I might even be able to make a small income helping other people learn the system while still being "at home" with my kids.  I feel excited!

Whatever Wednesday

A few months ago I wrote about how I was a minute late for the kids buses after school.  Taylor was traumatized, but eventually stopped talking about it.  I felt like a terrible mom -- made more terrible after I used ice cream as a bribe to have her stop crying.  It was not a good afternoon for me.

I was literally only one minute late.

Today, I forgot Bailey's snack and lunch.  Now, for lunch she can just buy it, she has an account that I put money in every few months for her pizza-Fridays.  But what did she do for a snack?  Does her teacher have extra stashed away?  And because of her CF she is not allowed to drink out of water fountains, so what did she drink?  Was she embarrassed, did she cry, did she wonder why I forgot about her?   I didn't realize I forgot until I saw her library book on the table when I came home from church around noon.  In the car bringing it to the school, I suddenly remembered zipping up her bookbag in a rush, with her lunch and snack boxes in it, and I realized I never took them out to fill this morning.  Going in to the school I saw her in the cafeteria and we blew kisses to each other through the glass and she had her tray of food in front of her.

So, my question is, will she remember the 179 days this year I did pack her snack and lunch...or will she remember going over with her classmates to retrieve her snack box and opening it to find nothing.  Hmm.

Princesses should always have their snack.

Whatever Wednesday - how do working moms do it?

Next week we find out Taylor's placement plan for next year.  In Marlton where we live, it is still 1/2 day kindergarten.  Her teacher and the CST have recommended she be in 1/2 day "normal" and 1/2 day "special" so a full day total.  I agree that this is a good idea, for many reasons, but I am VERY nervous about it.  I'm nervous for random reasons like "What if she poops during normal kindergarten and won't wipe herself and calls out from the bathroom that she pooped?"  No really - I laid awake the other night thinking about that.  She has a real resistance to wiping herself - for whatever reason.  I told her we are going to work on it over the summer and she said, "You can work on it."  Hmm.

Anyway, I am anxious for more serious reasons, too.  Is it too long of a day?  Will the "normal" kids realize she's different?  Will she be teased?  Will she miss me and be sad?

And...what on earth am I going to do.  My identity is being a mom now.  I volunteer many hours being the MOPS coordinator and doing things like making and delivering meals, and now couponing...all of this relates to my "work" as a SAHM.  I work just one morning a week in our church's nursery, and that is mommy-ish too.  For 8 years come August, I have not worn business attire, I have not been accountable to a boss, I have not filled out reports, made business phone calls, commuted.

For as long as I can remember, the vision I had for myself of being a mom included staying at home.  Of course I had totally romanticized it, but all the same, this was what I wanted.  And I wouldn't change it for anything.  Nobody else saw any of my kids "firsts" and I am too jealous of a person to have been ok with that.  I was here for every sickness, every hurt feeling, every happy playdate day, everything.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  When Bailey was diagnosed with CF, I felt in my heart God would honor my desire to stay home and make a way for us financially.  This feeling magnified after Taylor was born and it was obvious she could not have handled daycare.  I am thankful to say that He has, and not just for our needs but many wants too.  Sometimes I have wondered if I should have worked - not for the money (although at times I pined for it!) but if the girls and I had a bad day, if I lost my temper, if I didn't appreciate the time with them like I should have, let them watch one too many shows.  There were days I wondered if they would have done better, learned more, at a daycare.  But I know that's not true, our time at home together has been blessed.

But now that both the girls will probably be in school for 7 hrs a day, I am feeling an itch to do something more than all things mommy.  I don't know what, I don't know how.  I do know that it must fit in with some responsibilities I want to maintain with MOPS and HOPE, and of course being there for my girls.  But as the days go by and I think about what God may be preparing me for, I keep thinking HOW am I going to do it?  HOW DO WORKING MOMS DO IT?!  Really!  How do they maintain the home, keep everything paid, clean, food on the table, lunches in the bookbags, running kids to drs, activities, not to mention take care of their husbands and themselves, and still keep their sanity?  Most jobs have some take-home work.  How do you do that at night, while also throwing in a few loads of laundry, dinner, cleaning up dinner, homework, bath and bedtime - and also have time to actually talk to your kids?  This is scaring me!!  I don't want to be a half-ass mom, wife, employee.  Because I am the kind of person that can't have too much going on.  Many people seem to be able to do it all, and they are still smiling!!  But I fear I will be miserable.  Financially, I could still stay home - but Kevin doesn't want to stay in sales forever, and I don't think it's quite fair for me to live out my dreams, like staying at home, while he pays for them.  Does that make sense?  He doesn't think of it like that, but I know at some point he'd appreciate the freedom in having a job he's more comfortable with, than has to have.  And really, I'm feeling an itch.  But no job will be worth the expense of my family, so I am so hopeful there is something perfect out there.  Part-time maybe, no summers.  No holidays.  An understanding boss when I have to call out sick bc Bailey or Taylor need me.  Is there such a job?

I am praying to have eyes to see the direction God wants for me and my family.  I have a few ideas, but basically I have no clue.  In the meantime, I want to "ready" myself and my house as much as possible before taking on a job...like closet cleaning, picture albums, garage clean-out.  We'll see what happens!

Whatever Wednesday - Vegas baby!

This week Kevin booked our trip to Vegas for our 10th anniversary in August and I'm so excited!  He got a GREAT deal - $876 for the BOTH of us included a stay in a king pyramid room at the Luxor on the strip for 4 nights (weeknights, much cheaper than the weekend!), plane tickets for both of us both ways, and 2 tickets to a show like Cirque Soleil.  What a deal, right?!  We still have to budget for our meals, rental car, spending money, etc but I am pleased this trip isn't going to break our bank!

I am thankful we have decided to go through with this trip - I had thought of spending our money instead on a few home improvements but I'm glad we're celebrating our 10th in style.  I think staying married for 10 years in this day and age of falling in and out of love is something to celebrate.  Our marriage has had it's bad days, but overall, we love and respect each other and are committed for life.  We need these get-aways not to stay married, but to enjoy being married.  To feel young and in love, have fun, remember why we married each other to begin with.  To spend some time together where the conversations aren't all about bills, Kev's work, my MOPS, Bailey's appointments, Taylor's therapy, who's turn it is to clean the cat vomit (it's always Kevin's turn - I figure I always have to do the kids)...and when the van needs an oil change and who's going to take it in.

When we return from said vacation, unless my pulls on the slots are lucrative, we'll be returning to same-old, same-old.  But what a blessed same-old it is.  I'll take it.  And keep it.

Whatever Wednesday - the man who offered to pay for my milk

I wanted to share this story, really so I don't forget it.  It reminded me that there is human decency in this world, because it is easy to see all that is indecent.

I was at CVS several weeks ago, buying milk and toothpaste.  The milk we needed, the toothpaste I was getting was because I had a coupon, making it free.  Anyway, I go to pay and give the coupon first, and it wouldn't come off the bill.  It wasn't expired and it was the right kind, it just wouldn't work.  I rifled through my purse to find another coupon for it bc I thought I had one.  Seeing a short line form behind me, I told the cashier to forget it, I don't want the toothpaste, but could I have my coupon back.  The cashier wasn't on my wavelength, and was going to get the manager to come over, and I said a few times, "no, please, just take it off, I'll come back."   Anyway, the man behind me said, "I'm sorry to butt in, but can I treat you to that milk."  I didn't understand, and then his eyes told me he thought the problem was that I couldn't pay for the milk.  It took me back - I've never had anyone say something like that to me.   I quickly explained I meant the toothpaste, and that I didn't need the toothpaste, and I definitely had money for the milk!  He said, "well, I wasn't much listening but I see the 2 gallons I figured you have kids at home and in this economy, we gotta help each other out, ya know?"  I thanked him several times, and said I hope he finds someone who needs him to treat them to some milk.

How many people go out of their way on a daily basis for others?  How many people surprise a stranger with random acts of kindness?  Doing so takes thought, time, and sometimes not knowing their reaction means taking a risk.  I remember one time taking a meal to a neighbor down the street who had just had a baby.  I didn't know them, I just saw the stork sign.  While my little ones napped, I made a full meal and when they woke I put them in the double stroller and walked the meal down.  She opened the door, gave me the strangest look, and took the meal with a quick thanks.  I walked away wondering if she really might throw it away by the way she looked at me.  But I knew in my heart that I was doing something I should.

Treating others with respect, kindness and grace is a gift you give yourself, too.  Doesn't it feel good to know you're making a difference in someone's day - maybe even their life?

I don't know that man who offered to pay for my milk - but someday I really hope to be in a situation where I am behind a mom who might need me to pay for her milk, diapers, whatever.  And I promise, I'll tell her I'm paying it forward, and that man's kindness will be honored.

Whatever Wednesday

This is totally random, but it's what I feel like saying.

So there.

TOP 10 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1.  The sound of people kissing.  If it's on tv, I have to mute - I can't stand it.

2.  Any kind of bug.

3.  Dirt, cat hair and dust.  They plague me and I'm sick of it.

4.  My kids crying for no reason.  Well, I'm sure they have some kind of reason, even if it's something like just getting their way.  Regardless, the sound annoys me.

5.  Bad drivers.  Drivers going 25 in a 45.  Old people that don't have a clue, they should be playing bridge in old-people college (what I call assisted living), not driving on our roads.  Drivers on their cell phones, not paying attention.  My husband.  WAIT - I didn't just say that, he'd kill me.  He's not a bad driver.  He just doesn't drive how I do, and I'm better....

6.  People who give my children dirty looks.  Hmm - this may make my "Top 10 Things I Hate" instead of annoy.  After over 7 years of getting some looks, I take it more in stride now, but it still annoys me.  Who do you think you are, get over yourself.

7.  The sound of gum-chewing.  (I must have an auditory processing disorder or something, I am realizing how much certain sounds annoy me.)

8.  Judgemental people.  Kind of goes with #6 but it's that annoying to me.  Perhaps I judge the judgers, oh well.

9.  Bumping into things.  I have a smaller house than I'd like, and I feel like I am always trying to squeeze past something, or try to create more space somehow.  I AM grateful for what I have but when I see people that have these big, beautiful homes with things like a WALK-IN CLOSET, or a bathroom with 2 sinks, I have house-envy!!  And that annoys me, about myself.

and for the final, annoying annoyance...

10.  When my tv shows aren't new episodes.  Parenthood - I miss you.

Posts to come:

Top 10 things I hate
Top 10 things I love
Top 10 people that inspire me

Any other ideas for a Top 10?

Whatever Wednesday - a bit early, cause I knew you were waiting

For some reason, this new year I have been thinking a lot about the kind of person I want to be.  I don't know why - maybe because I have more time with Bailey being in school full day and Tatie half day.  Maybe because I feel like I lost myself over these past 7+ years as a Mommy, so I am starting over.  Maybe because I'm sick of me, so I'd like to change me a bit.  For whatever reason, I'm thinking about it.  Not doing too much about it yet, but thinking. :)

One thing that bothered me when I first started thinking about 'the kind of person I want to be' is that pretty high up on my list is "thin."  Would being thin define me?  I actually really do believe it would.  I have been heavy for so long that being thin would remarkably change my life, and I think, family and friend' perceptions of me.   Putting aside what I would want to DO as a thin person - truly, to help others who struggle with their weight, I would LOVE that - I think BEING a thin person would truly change my life.  Instead of weak, I'd be strong.  Instead of slow, I'd be fast.  Instead of hating myself, I'd love myself...um, would I?

I am trying to embrace a more peaceful, accepting spirit for myself.  I am trying not to self-talk in such a negative, punishing, hurtful way.  But how do I get around the fact that when I look in the mirror, and I'm not "the kind of person I want to be", I still have to live with me all day?  So because I'm not thin yet - and won't be for several months at the very earliest - I have automatically somewhat failed?

And what about all of the other attributes I want to incorporate into my life.  Selflessness, peacefulness, generosity, kindness, Christ-likeness.  When others see me, I want them to want what I have - - the love of Christ alive in my life!!  So WHY is that farther down my list than being thin?!  Why do I spend 10x more time on this, than the characteristics GOD wants me to display?  I believe yes, He wants me to be healthy and "thin" is part of being healthy, but I am embarrassed that I spend so much more time obsessing over my body and not as much time on my heart.

I'll never be perfect, ever.  But with God's help, I'm going to continue working on 'the kind of person I want to be.'  But with some extra emphasis on the whole package, not just the size of my ass.

Whatever Wednesday

So I am changing the "No Worries Wednesday" to Whatever Wednesday.  More freedom and longevity I think.

But I am actually writing this on Thursday, as my Wednesday was really busy.

So I am going to confess I don't think I've ever made it through a whole season of Lent with giving something up.  I didn't grow up doing anything for Lent, and it's only been something that's on my heart these last few years.  But I always choose something truly sacrificial, and then can't make it because the truth is I'm addicted.  I'm not addicted really to anything in particular, but addicted to giving myself what I want when I want it.  Ugh that sounds so negative, but it's true.  And in the process I'm a bear to live with, because how long can Mama go without some coffee.  Not long.  I'm sure the kids were wishing they knew how to make it and then pour it down my throat.

So this year, I am doing something more do-able, but still sacrificial.  I am giving up eating past dinner.  What I want to pair that with - although I am not "giving this up" because I KNOW I couldn't make it - is to give up some tv time as well, so I can spend more time on things that matter.  Time with God, in prayer and reading, catching up on my albums, doing nice things for others.  Not cleaning.

I am praying I make it through the Lent season - it will be hard if we eat early, as I really hate going to bed very hungry.  I forgot to yesterday, but I'm going to explain Lent to the girls and ask if they'd like to add or take anything away.  My suggestion will be reading the Bible together every morning or evening....we do that often but not daily, and most times without Kevin who's working.  But I want it to be all of us, that would be so nice.

Many blessings on your season of Lent as we prepare for honoring the Lord's sacrifice for us.  Thinking of what he did for us certainly puts in perspective our tiny little sacrifice for Him.