I am copying my friend Haley's idea for her blog, and listing 10 random facts about myself. This is because today, I can't write about anything else...not for lack of content, but if I started down that road, I'd be up writing 'til midnight...
So this should be short and sweet right?
1. I hated my name growing up. Substitute teachers would say, "Brian? Is Brian here?" My dad would say when I was 18 I could go to the court house and change it but by then I didn't mind it and now I like it.
2. Taylor told me today she doesn't like the "lines" on my stomach (stretch marks for those of you not in the know. And if you're not in the know, I'm jealous of you.) I have read articles about women that celebrate their stretch marks as "badges of honor" from pregnancy, but they only remind me I used to be thinner and then my skin got all stretched out from huge-ness. I just ate a few Girl Scout cookies (damn those cute little peddler girls) so I feel another line coming on.
3. Kevin is sitting near me and breathing very loudly. When we were dating and newlyweds, I would snuggle next to him in the movies....snuggle snuggle snuggle. Now I try to lean as far to the side as possible. If there is a stranger next to me on the other side, I have to weigh whether or not I want to get strange looks because of the leaning into them, or should I lean into Kevin and endure the breathing.
4. Lots of things make me feel proud -- Bailey talking sweetly to another child, Taylor whispering to me what she thinks about another child, instead of saying it out loud and hurting someone's feelings. But this one fact makes me very proud -- my mom is 67 and dresses so cute. Random, I know. But my mom is amazing...she is strong, comforting and she has my back like no one else. And she looks so cute in her leather jacket.
5. I have a lot of dreams. At this point in my life, I've let stress and the monotony of daily life keep me from doing anything about it. I don't even like to tell people what I dream bc I'm afraid of seeing a look on their face that says, "oh Brynn you deluded woman..."so I just think about it before I fall asleep at night. And then I have to think about something else because it makes me feel overwhelmed that I haven't done anything towards my dreams yet.
6. That being said, I'm living my biggest dream - being a mommy. NOTHING has ever mattered more to me than having children. And I had to have a girl. I told Kev that if we have boys I know I would love them, but we'd have to adopt a girl too. So sometimes when I want to bang my head on the wall from all the girl-drama in this house, I remind myself it's exactly what I wanted. *what are the teen years going to be like?!!!*
7. I feel closest to God when I sing, and I love to sing. When I was a young teenager for a few years my dad, brother and I would get paid to sing for a Catholic church each Saturday night that had a traditional Latin mass. I don't remember any Latin.
8. I cry a lot. Oh, you knew that already? Well, I can't help it. Everything does it to me -- seeing the joy my children have, sentimental commercials on tv, laughing at something, looking at pictures. Actually, I can't even look at some pictures, the desire to be back in that moment, if only for a minute, is so strong. Since my dad died I haven't watched a home movie or looked but for a second at any pictures. Kevin and I take many home movies of the girls, but it's already difficult to watch them sometimes...I just want to hold that little baby all over again!!! But I am sure if I was back in that moment...a 2 year old and a screaming, mad baby...I would want to be back in the present! I have a strong tendency to romanticize the past.
9. We have 3 cats, which is more than enough. A black one, a black-and-white one, and a gray tabby. But for some reason, I feel incomplete. It seems like we should have an orange one. I tried feeling Kevin out about this and he thought I had been drinking, so I dropped it. For now.
10. When Bailey was a baby, every day she would take a nap on me. I would sit in my easy chair with the phone, remote and a book and just soaked it up. I knew it wouldn't last forever. She'd wake up and look at me, the side of her face all red and her hair damp and matted against her face, and her brown eyes would just be huge! I'm a sucker for big brown eyes.
this took longer than I thought.