Tuesday, February 15, 2011

my Valentines

Kevin Andrew

He has seen me at my very worst, and he is the only person on the planet that I can be completely genuine with.  Not only can I truly be myself, but he likes who I am.  Not to say he doesn't get annoyed with me, or want more out of me at times, but his overall demeanor towards me is acceptance, love, support.   I love his sense of humor, his work ethic, his generosity and friendliness towards others.  Marriage is hard work and daily life can overshadow the person you fell in love with.  I am thankful that even in our daily life, Kevin makes me feel wanted, needed, appreciated.  Vacuuming isn't so bad when I know he'll come home and tell me the house looks great.  Most of all, I love that Kevin wants for me to be happy.  He derives happiness from my happiness.   Of everyone in my life, I would say Kevin is the person who makes me feel most accepted.  What a safe feeling.

Bailey Caelyn

Bailey made me a mommy, and so she fulfilled the deepest desire of my heart merely by showing up.  She is thoughtful, sweet, empathetic.  Going to CHOP every few months for her check-ups has actually become a time when I look forward to seeing her empathy, for at her young age to be so compassionate, I am certain it's a spiritual gift.  She prays for the children she sees, asks questions, and is so concerned.  I encourage her compassion, but I don't want her to be a "burden bearer" either, so I am thankful she knows how to lay those burdens at the feet of Jesus.   She is a great big sister, and has been since Hottie Tots came on the scene when Bailey had just turned 2.  She was still a baby herself, but as Taylor was a very needy baby, Bailey had to forego some time with me.  It had been just Bailey and I for 2 years and yet she handled it very well.  She's no angel, but she's my tender-hearted sweetheart.  She's very emotional, and because of that I have the feeling she and I will really butt heads in her teenage years, but I also have a strong feeling we will always be close.  I hope so.  Of everyone in my life, I would say Bailey is the person who makes me feel most challenged.  Not because she is challenging, (she can be) but because I want to live up to being a good mother to her.  She deserves it.

Taylor Elise

I always wanted a sister, so when I found out I was having a second girl, I was so happy for my girls to have each other.  Time will tell what kind of relationship they'll have, but I hope they will be best friends.  I know that for now, Tatie adores Bailey, and has learned so much from her.  But we've all learned a lot from Taylor too.  Taylor has done more to change me as a human being than anyone else.  When Bailey was diagnosed with CF, I thought that was my trial as a parent - I thought Bailey's disease was going to be my cross to bear.  It's been horrible at times over these last 7 years, but that has not been my trial.  Taylor's needs completely undid me when she was a baby and toddler, and I literally fell to my knees in desperation because I knew that I was not enough for her.  I needed Jesus - we all did - but Taylor really needed more help than I knew how to give.  She has received that help, and what we have learned from that time in our lives has been priceless.  Over the last few years, because her needs are now being met, we are able to see the little person she is - and whoa, is she amazing.  Strength, bravery, humor, love...she is a powerhouse and that is putting it mildly.  She is an absolute joy.  Of everyone in my life, I would say Taylor is the one who makes me feel most needed.  I know with her, there is no one that could ever take my place.

I am thankful to love and be loved.

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