Kevin and I are in shock that we have a weekend with absolutely NOTHING planned. Nada. The only thing we have to do is go to church on Sunday - because we want to, and because we work in the nursery for the first service. That's it!
So we are toying with a few ideas about what to do...anyone have any cheap suggestions? So far my idea is -
Go to the big Burlington library for the morning on Sat, then pool in the afternoon, early bed for kids bc we'll run them ragged and then date-night-in for Kev and I. Sunday - maybe Philly for a museum or something? Maybe hit up the kids fave - Olive Garden - for dinner?
The world is our oyster.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
What's something really weird that you enjoy?
So I know I am not alone in this...but one of my favorite things to do is pop zits. God help my girls if they have teenage acne, I will have to sit on my hands to not go at their faces. I LOVE it. The sound, the surprise of what's inside (ok that sounded twisted but it's true)...I love everything about it except actually HAVING a zit, at least where people can see! Kevin knows it's a big present to me if he finds a zit somewhere on himself and lets me go at it. Makes me SO happy. Sometimes when I can't sleep I imagine really great zits. (TMI? Probably. Definitely).
*a note about this link. First, I am proud of myself that I even learned how to do that. Yes, I don't have a clue normally. Second, I googled "picture of a zit" and this site comes up, with a video of a back cyst being drained. WHOA. Not only was that the biggest zit I've ever seen...but I am not as into zits as I thought I was. I feel a little sick to my stomach and I coudn't even finish watching it. Maybe it'd be better in real life. I also learned (from the video comments) that there's some really weird people out there that are TOO into it. Like in a weirder way than me.
So what's your freaky interest. Well, I guess don't tell me if it's REALLY freaky, I might not look at you the same. Or if it involves your significant other....this ain't that kind of post.
But really I'm curious....anyone?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Just checking
I have had a lot of really important and/or fun things going on lately, but all those things would take tired-old-me too much time to write about. I felt like writing a little something, but not too much.
So I thought about what happened to me yesterday at the McDonald's. It involves an old lady. Maybe some of you remember I had a bit of a run-in with another old lady at the ShopRite several weeks ago, who admonished my Hottie Tottie for not listening to me, and standing by my cart.
I'm not sure what this old lady admonished, but I felt it.
So yesterday morning I took Bailey to McD's for breakfast as a treat on our way to CHOP. Taylor was at my mom's camp, it was just the 2 of us. It was 9:45 and B was really hungry. So was I. I ordered and had on my tray:
2 egg mcmuffins for me (they were 2 for $3 and I was planning on saving the 2nd one for lunch - REALLY!!!! I actually didn't even end up eating it at all, it sat in our lunchbag all day.)
3 hashbrowns - Bailey asked for 2, I wanted 1
2 small cups, B got hi-c orange, I got water
1 order of pancakes.
So we are at our table ready to sit down and Old Lady stops and says, and I quote, "She's not going to eat all that, is she?"
It caught me off guard, and I explained who-was-going-to-eat-what off our tray.
I bet she didn't believe I'd save the 2nd egg sammie for later. That's ok, I wasn't sure myself.
Anyway, she responds, and I QUOTE, "Just checking."
Just checking what exactly? That I wasn't going to shove the whole tray of junk food down my kid's throat? What was she checking?
So as she walks away and my wits are coming back to me a bit, I say, "But you don't need to worry about that, do you."
She looked at me like how-dare-you and we dropped it. But I was mad.
She didn't know we rarely frequent McD's. ChickFilA...yes. Perhaps biweekly...sometimes weekly. But not McD's, it's a treat.
She didn't know Bailey was going to be having a checkup at CHOP that day, taking hours. If Bailey asked for McDs for breakfast, then my goodness, she is going to get it.
She didn't know that not only was Bailey spending her day at CHOP, but Bailey knew she was missing a day of VBS and that Taylor was spending her day at Nana's gymnastics camp, having fun, while she had a stick shoved down her throat, had to breathe forcefully over and over into a machine, and had to be examined by her dr, 2 nurses, the nutritionist and the physical therapist. She didn't complain once.
She didn't know that Bailey's supposed to be gaining weight.
She didn't know it's none of her business.
So that's my story. And guess what, Bailey had about 1/2 of her pancakes and hashbrowns.
I won't mention that yours truly finished said pancakes and hashbrowns. What....I was emotional eating, Bailey had a CHOP appt!!
So I thought about what happened to me yesterday at the McDonald's. It involves an old lady. Maybe some of you remember I had a bit of a run-in with another old lady at the ShopRite several weeks ago, who admonished my Hottie Tottie for not listening to me, and standing by my cart.
I'm not sure what this old lady admonished, but I felt it.
So yesterday morning I took Bailey to McD's for breakfast as a treat on our way to CHOP. Taylor was at my mom's camp, it was just the 2 of us. It was 9:45 and B was really hungry. So was I. I ordered and had on my tray:
2 egg mcmuffins for me (they were 2 for $3 and I was planning on saving the 2nd one for lunch - REALLY!!!! I actually didn't even end up eating it at all, it sat in our lunchbag all day.)
3 hashbrowns - Bailey asked for 2, I wanted 1
2 small cups, B got hi-c orange, I got water
1 order of pancakes.
So we are at our table ready to sit down and Old Lady stops and says, and I quote, "She's not going to eat all that, is she?"
It caught me off guard, and I explained who-was-going-to-eat-what off our tray.
I bet she didn't believe I'd save the 2nd egg sammie for later. That's ok, I wasn't sure myself.
Anyway, she responds, and I QUOTE, "Just checking."
Just checking what exactly? That I wasn't going to shove the whole tray of junk food down my kid's throat? What was she checking?
So as she walks away and my wits are coming back to me a bit, I say, "But you don't need to worry about that, do you."
She looked at me like how-dare-you and we dropped it. But I was mad.
She didn't know we rarely frequent McD's. ChickFilA...yes. Perhaps biweekly...sometimes weekly. But not McD's, it's a treat.
She didn't know Bailey was going to be having a checkup at CHOP that day, taking hours. If Bailey asked for McDs for breakfast, then my goodness, she is going to get it.
She didn't know that not only was Bailey spending her day at CHOP, but Bailey knew she was missing a day of VBS and that Taylor was spending her day at Nana's gymnastics camp, having fun, while she had a stick shoved down her throat, had to breathe forcefully over and over into a machine, and had to be examined by her dr, 2 nurses, the nutritionist and the physical therapist. She didn't complain once.
She didn't know that Bailey's supposed to be gaining weight.
She didn't know it's none of her business.
So that's my story. And guess what, Bailey had about 1/2 of her pancakes and hashbrowns.
I won't mention that yours truly finished said pancakes and hashbrowns. What....I was emotional eating, Bailey had a CHOP appt!!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Real friends
Today I had the pleasure of being invited over a friend's house for a swim playdate, along with a few other friends and their kids. I went for a few reasons - 1. I love to spend my afternoons in a pool with mom-friends. Who wouldn't? 2. My kids need the socialization in the summer...both of 'em. 3. The last time we were in this particular pool, a few days ago, Tatie was stung in the head by a bee...so I didn't want her to be scared to go back and I thought if it was too far in between, she would be.
Earlier this week, my kids and I went to our community pool. I felt out of place, and the kids that were there didn't seem to want to play with my kids - they had other friends there that they just wanted to be with. It just left a bad feeling in my mouth, I don't know. Anyway, at our community pool, I was happy to leave.
Today, I didn't want to leave. In fact, it took my kid screaming for the millionth time for me to finally pull myself out of the water to get ready to leave. It wasn't just that I didn't have to suck in my gut, strutting around in my suit. It wasn't that us mom-friends have several years now of knowing each other under our belts, lots of stories and memories. It wasn't even the faith that we share. It wasn't that the kids -while they sometimes bicker and get mad at each other - seem to enjoy playing together.
It was being wanted. Wanted. Isn't that one of the best feelings in the world? Oh and we can't forget accepted. Tatie was in form...growling, being fresh, crying, screaming...and no one batted an eye. They just said, as we peered from the pool to the trampoline where we could hear crying, "Oh it's yours again Brynn..."
I guess it was just a stark difference from yesterday to today. I'm thankful. I have several REAL friends in my life, I am so blessed.
Earlier this week, my kids and I went to our community pool. I felt out of place, and the kids that were there didn't seem to want to play with my kids - they had other friends there that they just wanted to be with. It just left a bad feeling in my mouth, I don't know. Anyway, at our community pool, I was happy to leave.
Today, I didn't want to leave. In fact, it took my kid screaming for the millionth time for me to finally pull myself out of the water to get ready to leave. It wasn't just that I didn't have to suck in my gut, strutting around in my suit. It wasn't that us mom-friends have several years now of knowing each other under our belts, lots of stories and memories. It wasn't even the faith that we share. It wasn't that the kids -while they sometimes bicker and get mad at each other - seem to enjoy playing together.
It was being wanted. Wanted. Isn't that one of the best feelings in the world? Oh and we can't forget accepted. Tatie was in form...growling, being fresh, crying, screaming...and no one batted an eye. They just said, as we peered from the pool to the trampoline where we could hear crying, "Oh it's yours again Brynn..."
I guess it was just a stark difference from yesterday to today. I'm thankful. I have several REAL friends in my life, I am so blessed.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The funky smell
I am very discouraged that my Sunday afternoon is going to be all about trying to find the source of a funky smell in my downstairs. One of the cats have peed somewhere.
Why oh why do we have 3 cats. I know why.., but I'm not feeling it today. So much cat hair, expense, mess...and smell. I try so hard to keep my house from smelling like a cat-house, you know the ones where you walk in and immediately smell cat litter and cat food. Yuck. Friends have told me that it doesn't...and even my mother-in-law said it doesn't smell, and I think she would have told me if it did.
Today it smells. Oh well...I think while I'm down there I'll wash the curtains, dust, clean the windows and vacuum really well.
I'll also fantasize about ripping out the carpet and throwing out our old furniture, but like I have mentioned on here, I'm trying to keep my house-fantasies under control.
Once I get the house cleaned up, I'll remember how much I love those naughty kitties, and I'll be happy again that we brought them home last October.
Why oh why do we have 3 cats. I know why.., but I'm not feeling it today. So much cat hair, expense, mess...and smell. I try so hard to keep my house from smelling like a cat-house, you know the ones where you walk in and immediately smell cat litter and cat food. Yuck. Friends have told me that it doesn't...and even my mother-in-law said it doesn't smell, and I think she would have told me if it did.
Today it smells. Oh well...I think while I'm down there I'll wash the curtains, dust, clean the windows and vacuum really well.
I'll also fantasize about ripping out the carpet and throwing out our old furniture, but like I have mentioned on here, I'm trying to keep my house-fantasies under control.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Slipping through my fingers
Time is slipping away. It is mid-July already, how did that happen?! We have really enjoyed the summer so far, and the next several weeks are filled with pool party playdates, beach days, VBS, gymnastics camp and just hang-around-the-house days. My girls are at a really fun age and I am having what I think will be the time of my life.
There are so many moments that I stop for a second and realize how fast it's going. It really is true that before you know it, your kids are grown. Mine aren't of course, they are 7 and 5. But I can see how that will happen. I remember when they were bitties, that old adage would kind of piss me off. I thought the women saying it completely forgot what it's like to have little ones...all the stress, crying, lack of sleep, diapers and feedings...and they romanticized the past. I guess that's what happens...as soon as you start to sleep and enjoy being a person again, not just a busy, sweats-wearing, toddler-sitting-on-your-lap-crying-while-you-pee kind of mom, but a person...you realize it did go fast. I don't miss my kids crying, pulling at my legs, at the sight of me putting on my makeup because they knew that meant I was leaving...but I do miss them waving at the window, with little pouts on their faces. Who else loves me that much that if I go to the grocery store they cry?
They're growing, my girls. Not grown, but growing. I'm happy they still run to me with open arms when they see me...most of the time anyway. Sometimes they just say "hi mom" and I know that they aren't babies anymore, when I was their world. I don't want to be their world...there is so much beauty and fun out there I want them to enjoy. But I don't think anyone or anything will ever make feel so special and loved, as these little girls have. I'm not their world, but they really are mine.
Today, they are still kind-of little. And I love it. As I write, they have on their gymnastics orange and black leopard leotards, with purple butterfly wings, princess dress-up shoes and train conductor hats. Can you picture it? Cuteness. They are using their walkie talkies and doing a search of the house for princess treasure. I tried to get them to search out dust with "princess fairy dust wands" -aka Swiffers - but they didn't buy it. They took the Swiffers, but no dusting.
They may make me crazy sometimes, and some days still feel long and stressful. But I wouldn't trade this time in my life for anything. What a gift.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Trying to change the way I think, one thought at a time...
Upon seeing my reflection, I wish I was thinner...
*God, thank you that I have an able body, that is whole and with all 5 senses. Thank you that I have a body that can birth and nurse babies, hold my husband, hug my mom. Thank you for the beauty which surrounds me that I am able to feel, see, touch, taste and smell. I am so grateful for this body.*
As I listen to my children bicker...
*Thank you God, that my children have each other. I pray they will always be close. Please help me teach them in a calm way how to share and enjoy each other.*
When I am frustrated with my husband...
*Lord, you have given me a precious gift in Kevin. Teach me how to respect and honor him. Please help me hold my tongue when I want to lash out, and help me put his needs before my wants. Encourage me to speak kindly and warmly, and to show him I love him.*
As I compare myself with others...
*I am thankful to have friends and family in my life with so many gifts. Please hold me up as I look to their talents, so I can learn from them, not be downhearted. Please open my eyes for me to see my own gifts, and encourage me to use them for Your Glory. Remind me that I don't have to keep a perfect house, make a lot of money or even maintain a thriving garden to be a "success." The person you want me to be, I know, has nothing to do with any of those things.*
When I lay my head on the pillow tonight, I want to ask forgiveness for the times today when I did not make the right decision. Whether it was reading emails instead of reading my devotional, or being impatient with my children...thank you God, that you so lovingly forgive me. I want to celebrate all of the good things that happened today....thank you Lord for precious time with my family and friends. Thank you for the beautiful day that we spent outside enjoying Your beauty. I am grateful for Kevin working so I don't have to - thank you for his job and Kevin's heart for his family. Thank you for another day with the people I love.
Instead of having regrets or guilt at the end of the day, I want only gratitude and a desire to live up to the person God wants me to be.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Top 10 things I like about my husband
In less than a month Kev and I will be celebrating 10 years of marriage. It hasn't all been roses...I'll say it's been more like tulips. But tulips are prettier anyway. And once you plant them, they come back over and over.
Top 10 reasons I'm happy to wake up every morning and see that Gutelius chin.
*A warning though...knowing Kev, you'll probably have some reasons in mind that I have missed. But no worries - I know I've got a good man, these are just a few :)
10. He chose me.
9. He makes me feel loved.
8. He loves the Lord, me and our girls. The rest of the world - even his beloved Philadelphia teams - are at the bottom of his list. (That being said, we don't make him choose. Let's not try it out, ok?)
7. We laugh together every single day. He is REALLY funny.
6. I have tons of notes he has left me over the years. For our first year of marriage he left me a note every single day and I have them in an album. Hundreds of post-its saying "Good morning Bump, I can't wait to see you tonight!" He still leaves them sometimes, saying things like "Just hit the button for the coffee, I fed the ungrateful cats, hope you have fun with the girls today, love you!" It is amazing how 5 seconds of scribble on a post-it that my husband leaves on the toilet makes me feel.
5. Ok I have to go back to the funny thing. Have you ever heard Kevin talk for the cats or our dead dog? If you haven't, then you can't get it but he says the most hilarious, most awful things, holding up our animals and pretending that they're talking. Well, he doesn't hold up the dead dog...he used to, bless Tanner's heart. Now Tanner resides in a box in Kevin's nightstand and when the dead dog has to speak up, Kevin opens his nightstand drawer. I guess this is one of these you-have-to-see-it kind of things. :)
4. He's hot. What...he is!
3. He wants me to be happy.
2. He has never once said to me, "The house is a mess, leftovers for dinner, what did you do all day?!" Not once. In fact, he has come home so many times, catching the children as I practically throw them to him, and dives in. Sometimes he'll surprise me and vacuum or put away laundry. And that, my friends, is what does it for me.
1. He gave me my 2 precious babies, the lights of my life. I always wanted to be a mommy, and he made that happen.
I'd say I love you Kevin Andrew! but the boy don't read my blog. "What's a blog?!"
Top 10 reasons I'm happy to wake up every morning and see that Gutelius chin.
*A warning though...knowing Kev, you'll probably have some reasons in mind that I have missed. But no worries - I know I've got a good man, these are just a few :)
10. He chose me.
9. He makes me feel loved.
8. He loves the Lord, me and our girls. The rest of the world - even his beloved Philadelphia teams - are at the bottom of his list. (That being said, we don't make him choose. Let's not try it out, ok?)
7. We laugh together every single day. He is REALLY funny.
6. I have tons of notes he has left me over the years. For our first year of marriage he left me a note every single day and I have them in an album. Hundreds of post-its saying "Good morning Bump, I can't wait to see you tonight!" He still leaves them sometimes, saying things like "Just hit the button for the coffee, I fed the ungrateful cats, hope you have fun with the girls today, love you!" It is amazing how 5 seconds of scribble on a post-it that my husband leaves on the toilet makes me feel.
5. Ok I have to go back to the funny thing. Have you ever heard Kevin talk for the cats or our dead dog? If you haven't, then you can't get it but he says the most hilarious, most awful things, holding up our animals and pretending that they're talking. Well, he doesn't hold up the dead dog...he used to, bless Tanner's heart. Now Tanner resides in a box in Kevin's nightstand and when the dead dog has to speak up, Kevin opens his nightstand drawer. I guess this is one of these you-have-to-see-it kind of things. :)
4. He's hot. What...he is!
3. He wants me to be happy.
2. He has never once said to me, "The house is a mess, leftovers for dinner, what did you do all day?!" Not once. In fact, he has come home so many times, catching the children as I practically throw them to him, and dives in. Sometimes he'll surprise me and vacuum or put away laundry. And that, my friends, is what does it for me.
1. He gave me my 2 precious babies, the lights of my life. I always wanted to be a mommy, and he made that happen.
I'd say I love you Kevin Andrew! but the boy don't read my blog. "What's a blog?!"
What do you worship?
Throughout this past year I have been reading from the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I love this devotional and highly recommend it. It is great for a mom who does not have much time and this past year several of our MOPS moms went ahead and either received it as a gift from Mentor Moms or bought it. Highly recommend.
Anyway, the reading for July 11 - because I'm late like that - was this:
Worship Me Only. Idolatry has always been the downfall of My people. I make no secrets about being a jealous God. Current idols are more subtle that ancient ones, because today's false gods are often outside the field of religion. People, possessions, status, and self-aggrandizement are some of the popular deities today. Beware of bowing down before these things. False gods never satisfy; instead they stir up lust for more and more.
When you seek Me instead of the world's idols, you experience My Joy and Peace. These intangibles slake the thirst of your soul, providing deep satisfaction. The glitter of the world is tinny and temporal. The Light of My Presence is brilliant and everlasting. Walk in the Light with Me. Thus you become a beacon through whom others are drawn to Me.
Her Scripture references are Exodus 20:4-5 and 2 Samuel 22:29
Wow. Wow this hit me!!! I DO worship my God and King. I am a follower and lover of my Lord Jesus. BUT I worship things! People! Feelings!
For instance, we have been trying to do a few home improvements each year. I can not walk in a home improvement store - and really, into many peoples homes - without idolizing. Kitchens, bathrooms, "outdoor living rooms"...space!! This past year, we have been trying to make a dent on making over our yard. We had some pine trees taken out, the backyard really cleaned up and in the front added some river rock and actual grass. It hasn't grown in as lush as I was hoping, but what a difference from the treed dirt and sand patch we used to have! But guess what - Young's words "False gods never satisfy; instead they stir up lust for more and more..." whoa. I have been walking around the neighborhood and lusting over lush grass and beautiful landscaping...hydrangeas, japanese maples, nice fences! I want it all. So you see, I had something but wanted MORE. I was grateful for what I had, but I wasn't satisfied.
How many daydreams have I had filled with taller ceilings, granite counter tops and new cupboards, and let's not forget hardwood flooring. I could go on and on; I have written about my home lust before. What empty daydreams. I am not saying it is wrong to do home improvements, not at all. But when I lust over such things, and want more and more, that is worshipping things and not having my sight set on God.
It will be hard to tear myself away from backsplashes and moldings. It hurts a bit to write that, but it's true. I am going to consciously choose to think of different things, to think of things I know will bless me and my family. Spend more time in prayer, more time in gratitude for what I have. Instead of being in a friend's home and lovingly gazing at her ceiling high kitchen cupboards that aren't made out of particle board, I want to lovingly gaze at my friend. Enjoy my time in her home, and be thankful to return to mine. God has heaped blessings upon us in this house. In my kitchen I may have to balance a few drawers on my knee so they don't fall out, but by my leg I have 2 precious girls wanting to help me cook, and dancing with me to the music playing.
I have renewed focus today.
Thank you God, for showing me what my eyes were set upon. I want my eyes, my heart, my words, thoughts and my actions to be set on You, Lord God. I want to walk in your Light, and have others see Your Light through me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Anyway, the reading for July 11 - because I'm late like that - was this:
Worship Me Only. Idolatry has always been the downfall of My people. I make no secrets about being a jealous God. Current idols are more subtle that ancient ones, because today's false gods are often outside the field of religion. People, possessions, status, and self-aggrandizement are some of the popular deities today. Beware of bowing down before these things. False gods never satisfy; instead they stir up lust for more and more.
When you seek Me instead of the world's idols, you experience My Joy and Peace. These intangibles slake the thirst of your soul, providing deep satisfaction. The glitter of the world is tinny and temporal. The Light of My Presence is brilliant and everlasting. Walk in the Light with Me. Thus you become a beacon through whom others are drawn to Me.
Her Scripture references are Exodus 20:4-5 and 2 Samuel 22:29
Wow. Wow this hit me!!! I DO worship my God and King. I am a follower and lover of my Lord Jesus. BUT I worship things! People! Feelings!
For instance, we have been trying to do a few home improvements each year. I can not walk in a home improvement store - and really, into many peoples homes - without idolizing. Kitchens, bathrooms, "outdoor living rooms"...space!! This past year, we have been trying to make a dent on making over our yard. We had some pine trees taken out, the backyard really cleaned up and in the front added some river rock and actual grass. It hasn't grown in as lush as I was hoping, but what a difference from the treed dirt and sand patch we used to have! But guess what - Young's words "False gods never satisfy; instead they stir up lust for more and more..." whoa. I have been walking around the neighborhood and lusting over lush grass and beautiful landscaping...hydrangeas, japanese maples, nice fences! I want it all. So you see, I had something but wanted MORE. I was grateful for what I had, but I wasn't satisfied.
How many daydreams have I had filled with taller ceilings, granite counter tops and new cupboards, and let's not forget hardwood flooring. I could go on and on; I have written about my home lust before. What empty daydreams. I am not saying it is wrong to do home improvements, not at all. But when I lust over such things, and want more and more, that is worshipping things and not having my sight set on God.
It will be hard to tear myself away from backsplashes and moldings. It hurts a bit to write that, but it's true. I am going to consciously choose to think of different things, to think of things I know will bless me and my family. Spend more time in prayer, more time in gratitude for what I have. Instead of being in a friend's home and lovingly gazing at her ceiling high kitchen cupboards that aren't made out of particle board, I want to lovingly gaze at my friend. Enjoy my time in her home, and be thankful to return to mine. God has heaped blessings upon us in this house. In my kitchen I may have to balance a few drawers on my knee so they don't fall out, but by my leg I have 2 precious girls wanting to help me cook, and dancing with me to the music playing.
I have renewed focus today.
Thank you God, for showing me what my eyes were set upon. I want my eyes, my heart, my words, thoughts and my actions to be set on You, Lord God. I want to walk in your Light, and have others see Your Light through me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Monday, July 11, 2011
a good choice
My in-laws have season tickets to the Phillies, and so were given 4 tickets to something tonight called "Picnic at the Park." The whole stadium was open for touring - plenty of photo ops, free food, balloons and face painting for kids, the works. It was so much fun and a proud-to-be-a-Phillies-fan kind of night.
I almost didn't go. But I'm so glad I did. Before all you die-hard Phillies fans crucify me, forgive me, but this girlfriend is no die-hard fan. Sure I like them, and a few of them are pretty to look at for sure. I go to a couple games a season and I enjoy it - especially if it's not rainy or too hot. Make that only if it's not rainy or too hot. I go to games because my husband is a die-hard. And by that I mean he'd tattoo Phillies across his chest before a picture of my face to be sure. And tonight I went to this picnic thing because my daughters said "Puh-leaseeeee" and I'm a sucker for the drawn out please. Kevin was going to take them with my father-in-law and I told myself it'd be a great bonding thing, I wasn't needed (as I would've been when the kids were more high maintenance) and I could get stuff done here.
I am so happy I went. Kevin's dad went too, and it was fun seeing him enjoy the inside of the stadium. He narrated what he was seeing into the video camera as he walked, which I always get a kick out of. It was Taylor's first time at the stadium, and until she didn't like it at all (and turned very high maintenance and I was called to the front lines) she loved it. She would've loved it the whole time except for the heat and crowd. Bailey loved it too and although I know they both didn't get what we were seeing (the locker room, the dug out, home plate!!!) I think they somehow understood it was special to Kevin because they actually didn't fight me taking a million pictures of them with him.
*If I had a snazzy I-Phone, as I plan to have maybe for my birthday, there would be said picture here.*
*If you want to imagine it, it looks like this - 2 piggy-tailed girls in red heart sunglasses and Phillies jerseys. Short shorts, Bailey in black, Taylor in white. Tatie had a clip holding her bangs back, because we're growing them out. 2 clips actually, because Little One likes to be involved in any and all fashion decisions. Bailey struck a pose in most pictures, until the heat got to her. Kevin, in his Phillies shirt and Phillies cap, had a smile a mile wide. You'd think he had just heard he won the lottery by his smile, but no, he's just standing among "his boys" lockers.*
I'm so glad I made a good choice.
I almost didn't go. But I'm so glad I did. Before all you die-hard Phillies fans crucify me, forgive me, but this girlfriend is no die-hard fan. Sure I like them, and a few of them are pretty to look at for sure. I go to a couple games a season and I enjoy it - especially if it's not rainy or too hot. Make that only if it's not rainy or too hot. I go to games because my husband is a die-hard. And by that I mean he'd tattoo Phillies across his chest before a picture of my face to be sure. And tonight I went to this picnic thing because my daughters said "Puh-leaseeeee" and I'm a sucker for the drawn out please. Kevin was going to take them with my father-in-law and I told myself it'd be a great bonding thing, I wasn't needed (as I would've been when the kids were more high maintenance) and I could get stuff done here.
I am so happy I went. Kevin's dad went too, and it was fun seeing him enjoy the inside of the stadium. He narrated what he was seeing into the video camera as he walked, which I always get a kick out of. It was Taylor's first time at the stadium, and until she didn't like it at all (and turned very high maintenance and I was called to the front lines) she loved it. She would've loved it the whole time except for the heat and crowd. Bailey loved it too and although I know they both didn't get what we were seeing (the locker room, the dug out, home plate!!!) I think they somehow understood it was special to Kevin because they actually didn't fight me taking a million pictures of them with him.
*If I had a snazzy I-Phone, as I plan to have maybe for my birthday, there would be said picture here.*
*If you want to imagine it, it looks like this - 2 piggy-tailed girls in red heart sunglasses and Phillies jerseys. Short shorts, Bailey in black, Taylor in white. Tatie had a clip holding her bangs back, because we're growing them out. 2 clips actually, because Little One likes to be involved in any and all fashion decisions. Bailey struck a pose in most pictures, until the heat got to her. Kevin, in his Phillies shirt and Phillies cap, had a smile a mile wide. You'd think he had just heard he won the lottery by his smile, but no, he's just standing among "his boys" lockers.*
I'm so glad I made a good choice.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
guilt, mommy style
I was just watching the Jaycee Dugard story on 20/20, and I am filled with many emotions. But what is relatable most to me, happened at the end of the 2 hr show.
The morning that Jaycee was kidnapped - and then held prisoner for 18 yrs - her mom didn't kiss her good-bye bc for the 3rd morning in a row she was running late to work. Can you just imagine, just for a second - because imagining this horror for any longer than a second is too long - living with that guilt all those years? And really, she'll live with it for the rest of her life. Even though she now has her daughter back, that will live with her, and she pleaded with parents at the end of the show to take a moment with your kids, it may be "inconvenient" but so important.
I take many moments with my girls. But I could take more. I could lay on the floor more to play or color, as I know they love. I could just plain be silly...tonight I was acting crazy for no reason and the girls were really cracking up. I don't act crazy that much, why don't I? I could videotape more of Bailey's ballet improv and Taylor's take on Broadway musicals. I tell the girls I love them all the time...but actions speak louder than words and I want to show them. Leave them more notes on their pillows or hidden in their drawers - they love that. More backrubs and lullies, not just at bedtime. More reading, playing, projects.
I want nothing more in my life, absolutely nothing, than to feel success as a mother. To feel that I have loved my girls with a fierceness and joy that they feel every day of their lives. To instill values in them that I cherish, from God's Word, that they then come to cherish. To have fun, to grow, to share life together and WANT to be with each other.
I am so blessed to have my babies. Tomorrow I am going to make them their favorite breakfast (chocolate chip pancakes in shapes with hearts and their initials in whipped cream, well-done bacon for Bailey, yogurt for Tate) and sit at the table and tell them I missed them while they slept. Really. Of course, they'll probably bicker over who has the bigger whipped cream heart or Tate will be covering her nose and whining about the smell of the bacon, but I hope I can smile through it and remember how many moms in terrible situations only wish that they were listening to child-bickering over pancakes in a comfy home.
Motherhood is so crazy. There are a million emotions, all in the same day. Gratitude, yet impatience. Joy, but anger. Wanting your children to never grow up and away, and yet craving time alone to think for just one minute. Enjoying the sounds of laughter and play, but asking for quiet PLEASE! Holding them close, smelling that babyfresh skin and sweet smelling hair, and yet feeling like you can't have one more elbow or knee pressing into your stomach one more time. You know what I mean moms?!
But the strongest emotion, that is always there, always...love, thankfulness, joy, wonder. And more love.
The morning that Jaycee was kidnapped - and then held prisoner for 18 yrs - her mom didn't kiss her good-bye bc for the 3rd morning in a row she was running late to work. Can you just imagine, just for a second - because imagining this horror for any longer than a second is too long - living with that guilt all those years? And really, she'll live with it for the rest of her life. Even though she now has her daughter back, that will live with her, and she pleaded with parents at the end of the show to take a moment with your kids, it may be "inconvenient" but so important.
I take many moments with my girls. But I could take more. I could lay on the floor more to play or color, as I know they love. I could just plain be silly...tonight I was acting crazy for no reason and the girls were really cracking up. I don't act crazy that much, why don't I? I could videotape more of Bailey's ballet improv and Taylor's take on Broadway musicals. I tell the girls I love them all the time...but actions speak louder than words and I want to show them. Leave them more notes on their pillows or hidden in their drawers - they love that. More backrubs and lullies, not just at bedtime. More reading, playing, projects.
I want nothing more in my life, absolutely nothing, than to feel success as a mother. To feel that I have loved my girls with a fierceness and joy that they feel every day of their lives. To instill values in them that I cherish, from God's Word, that they then come to cherish. To have fun, to grow, to share life together and WANT to be with each other.
I am so blessed to have my babies. Tomorrow I am going to make them their favorite breakfast (chocolate chip pancakes in shapes with hearts and their initials in whipped cream, well-done bacon for Bailey, yogurt for Tate) and sit at the table and tell them I missed them while they slept. Really. Of course, they'll probably bicker over who has the bigger whipped cream heart or Tate will be covering her nose and whining about the smell of the bacon, but I hope I can smile through it and remember how many moms in terrible situations only wish that they were listening to child-bickering over pancakes in a comfy home.
Motherhood is so crazy. There are a million emotions, all in the same day. Gratitude, yet impatience. Joy, but anger. Wanting your children to never grow up and away, and yet craving time alone to think for just one minute. Enjoying the sounds of laughter and play, but asking for quiet PLEASE! Holding them close, smelling that babyfresh skin and sweet smelling hair, and yet feeling like you can't have one more elbow or knee pressing into your stomach one more time. You know what I mean moms?!
But the strongest emotion, that is always there, always...love, thankfulness, joy, wonder. And more love.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Back to the grind
We returned last night from vacation, and whoa are we back. Not just back, but recuperating. The girls and I were gone for almost 2 weeks, Kevin for one. For the first week the girls and I stayed with my in-laws in Wildwood (they have a family friend who rents inexpensively to us every year) and then I came home for a day by myself and the next day Kevin and I met the girls and my in-laws in Williamsburg for the second week. I love vacations, as do the girls and Kevin but it kind of takes it out of you, you know? Vacationing as a family with young kids - although mine ARE getting older and easier for sure - and in-laws, even when you get along well...is tiring. We did have a wonderful time, lots of memories.
Today I had so many chores to do I couldn't see straight. And true to form when I have so much to do...I didn't want to even start, so I slept in. Plus I'm PMSing, which makes any emotion I have magnified, so there's that going on too. The girls - especially Taylor, who really does best under routine - were nutty today. I had to go to the grocery, in the pouring rain, because we were out of so many things, and of course the childcare was closed. I specifically went to that ShopRite bc of the "fun play room" for the girls, so I could shop and concentrate on my coupons in peace, but bc a worker called out, they had to close it early. Grrr. So our shopping trip started out with 2 sulky girls - make that 3.
By aisle 3 Taylor was sick of it, and was acting out. I told her to stand by the cart so a woman could get through, and she wouldn't. The woman - an older, pissed-off-at-the-world-can't-remember-what-it's-like-to-have-kids kind of woman, said, "I heard your mommy tell you to stand by the cart, I have my listening ears on, do you? You don't listen to your mom?" I said again to Taylor, "Tatie, stand by the cart." To which Taylor screamed, "I'm not moving, MOM! You don't tell me what to do!!" So I physically moved her and took away her lollipop for talking to me rudely, which made her flip out more, growl at me (another time, my friends, I will talk more about the growling) and the woman murmured under her breath about my kid needing discipline. UGH! I HATE that. HATE. I can't stand when someone judges my kid - or me - when they don't even know us. And I can't stand there, with my screaming, seemingly-bratty, kid and explain her life story and why she does the things she does. I can't say, "Listen lady, this girl is amazing. Sure right now she looks nasty, but she is majorly disappointed she's not playing in the fun room, like Mommy promised her she would be. The fact that she made it 3 aisles before a meltdown when her senses and routine are being BLASTED is amazing!!! This is the same girl who 3 years ago would hide her face in my pants as we walked into the grocery bc she couldn't stand all the sights, smells, sounds. She is a lot stronger than you'll ever be, and I sure hope she doesn't grow up to look at a 5 yr old the way you just looked at her."
Ah, deep breath. That felt good, getting that out. The good news is, another lady behind us saw all of this, and in the next aisle - after an old man said "Don't you know there's no crying in ShopRite little girl?" (because Tate screamed her face off for at least 15 minutes) the nice woman said, "Kids are like us, we all have our bad days.." and gave a nice smile to me. I immediately felt so much better. Tate pulled it together around aisle 10, in the cat food aisle where she had to laugh at the bags and bags of litter for cat poop.
Basically, I can't stand feeling judged by my kid's behavior. Does every thing they do reflect on me? Sure, I want credit for the good stuff :) But when they act bratty, why does that have to mean I'm a bad mother? Or am I the one making that assumption, and reading too far into little comments or looks? I definitely bring a lot of guilt on myself. Just a few minutes ago on facebook, I read a question titled "How do you sneak veggies into your kids food?" from Scott and Kelly, hosts on the Christian radio station K-Love. Well, of course in those hundreds of comments were so many, "Sneak?! My kids eat their vegetables because we raised them to eat their food." Just reading some of the comments made me want to cry. My kids hate - HATE - veggies. They eat a lot of fruits now, and Bailey does love some foods that have veggies in them, like soup, but I never put a pile of peas let's say on my kids plates and they eat them. Most nights at dinner we sit together at the table, and Kevin and I eat veggies and I offer, and sometimes make them try a bite, but my kids are not veg-eaters and over the years of crying, gagging, barfing, and me begging and bribing...I'm tired of it. So over the last several months I have chilled out about veggies. But reading comments like that, simplifying how easy it is for kids to eat veggies or implying it's within a parent's power, makes me feel like crap.
Well, I'm done I think with this little temper tantrum I just had. Thanks for listening. I guess this is just part of motherhood. And I need to keep this all in perspective, anyway. What do I care what some lady at the grocery thinks, or if someone would think I handle my kids veggie-eating all wrong. My girls are physically healthy, and the only opinion that should matter is God's. If Kevin and I are raising our children as we feel God wants us to - reading His word, following His commands...above all, loving each other - why would I waste my time thinking of other things? In every instance, I should make decisions based on what I feel is right, answering only to God. He gave me these precious girls, and I do pray that I raise them in His light, with His guidance, direction, love. I make mistakes every day - just this morning I yelled at my kids, when really, I should have sat them down and talked to them. Instead I yelled at them to pick up their toys or I would give them away to kids who would take care of them. It was 2 seconds, but I felt bad afterwards. I talked with them, and told them I was sorry I yelled. I told them they were wrong to leave their beautiful dress-ups in heaps on the floor, and toys everywhere when they were done playing and in another room. That's not a way to show care for your things. But Mommy should not have responded that way, and can they forgive me. They did and we moved on.
And guess what. Before bed tonight, Taylor asked me - without leading this time, because earlier in the evening I had tried - to forgive her for disobeying and yelling at the store. I hugged her tight and said I already had, and that tomorrow we will have a fun day. I said a little prayer in my head of thankfulness for forgiveness and lessons learned. When I lay my head on my pillow tonight, I don't want to be thinking of some woman in the grocery. I want to be thinking of what I can do tomorrow to show my kids I love them, and that God loves them, and I want to pray for strength and patience for another day.
Today I had so many chores to do I couldn't see straight. And true to form when I have so much to do...I didn't want to even start, so I slept in. Plus I'm PMSing, which makes any emotion I have magnified, so there's that going on too. The girls - especially Taylor, who really does best under routine - were nutty today. I had to go to the grocery, in the pouring rain, because we were out of so many things, and of course the childcare was closed. I specifically went to that ShopRite bc of the "fun play room" for the girls, so I could shop and concentrate on my coupons in peace, but bc a worker called out, they had to close it early. Grrr. So our shopping trip started out with 2 sulky girls - make that 3.
By aisle 3 Taylor was sick of it, and was acting out. I told her to stand by the cart so a woman could get through, and she wouldn't. The woman - an older, pissed-off-at-the-world-can't-remember-what-it's-like-to-have-kids kind of woman, said, "I heard your mommy tell you to stand by the cart, I have my listening ears on, do you? You don't listen to your mom?" I said again to Taylor, "Tatie, stand by the cart." To which Taylor screamed, "I'm not moving, MOM! You don't tell me what to do!!" So I physically moved her and took away her lollipop for talking to me rudely, which made her flip out more, growl at me (another time, my friends, I will talk more about the growling) and the woman murmured under her breath about my kid needing discipline. UGH! I HATE that. HATE. I can't stand when someone judges my kid - or me - when they don't even know us. And I can't stand there, with my screaming, seemingly-bratty, kid and explain her life story and why she does the things she does. I can't say, "Listen lady, this girl is amazing. Sure right now she looks nasty, but she is majorly disappointed she's not playing in the fun room, like Mommy promised her she would be. The fact that she made it 3 aisles before a meltdown when her senses and routine are being BLASTED is amazing!!! This is the same girl who 3 years ago would hide her face in my pants as we walked into the grocery bc she couldn't stand all the sights, smells, sounds. She is a lot stronger than you'll ever be, and I sure hope she doesn't grow up to look at a 5 yr old the way you just looked at her."
Ah, deep breath. That felt good, getting that out. The good news is, another lady behind us saw all of this, and in the next aisle - after an old man said "Don't you know there's no crying in ShopRite little girl?" (because Tate screamed her face off for at least 15 minutes) the nice woman said, "Kids are like us, we all have our bad days.." and gave a nice smile to me. I immediately felt so much better. Tate pulled it together around aisle 10, in the cat food aisle where she had to laugh at the bags and bags of litter for cat poop.
Basically, I can't stand feeling judged by my kid's behavior. Does every thing they do reflect on me? Sure, I want credit for the good stuff :) But when they act bratty, why does that have to mean I'm a bad mother? Or am I the one making that assumption, and reading too far into little comments or looks? I definitely bring a lot of guilt on myself. Just a few minutes ago on facebook, I read a question titled "How do you sneak veggies into your kids food?" from Scott and Kelly, hosts on the Christian radio station K-Love. Well, of course in those hundreds of comments were so many, "Sneak?! My kids eat their vegetables because we raised them to eat their food." Just reading some of the comments made me want to cry. My kids hate - HATE - veggies. They eat a lot of fruits now, and Bailey does love some foods that have veggies in them, like soup, but I never put a pile of peas let's say on my kids plates and they eat them. Most nights at dinner we sit together at the table, and Kevin and I eat veggies and I offer, and sometimes make them try a bite, but my kids are not veg-eaters and over the years of crying, gagging, barfing, and me begging and bribing...I'm tired of it. So over the last several months I have chilled out about veggies. But reading comments like that, simplifying how easy it is for kids to eat veggies or implying it's within a parent's power, makes me feel like crap.
Well, I'm done I think with this little temper tantrum I just had. Thanks for listening. I guess this is just part of motherhood. And I need to keep this all in perspective, anyway. What do I care what some lady at the grocery thinks, or if someone would think I handle my kids veggie-eating all wrong. My girls are physically healthy, and the only opinion that should matter is God's. If Kevin and I are raising our children as we feel God wants us to - reading His word, following His commands...above all, loving each other - why would I waste my time thinking of other things? In every instance, I should make decisions based on what I feel is right, answering only to God. He gave me these precious girls, and I do pray that I raise them in His light, with His guidance, direction, love. I make mistakes every day - just this morning I yelled at my kids, when really, I should have sat them down and talked to them. Instead I yelled at them to pick up their toys or I would give them away to kids who would take care of them. It was 2 seconds, but I felt bad afterwards. I talked with them, and told them I was sorry I yelled. I told them they were wrong to leave their beautiful dress-ups in heaps on the floor, and toys everywhere when they were done playing and in another room. That's not a way to show care for your things. But Mommy should not have responded that way, and can they forgive me. They did and we moved on.
And guess what. Before bed tonight, Taylor asked me - without leading this time, because earlier in the evening I had tried - to forgive her for disobeying and yelling at the store. I hugged her tight and said I already had, and that tomorrow we will have a fun day. I said a little prayer in my head of thankfulness for forgiveness and lessons learned. When I lay my head on my pillow tonight, I don't want to be thinking of some woman in the grocery. I want to be thinking of what I can do tomorrow to show my kids I love them, and that God loves them, and I want to pray for strength and patience for another day.
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