Monday, April 4, 2011

Spirit Sunday

I'm going to be honest, because what's the point if I'm not.

I have been feeling very lazy in my relationship with God lately.  I bailed out of the Bible study I had been attending, because it required a lot of thought and time.  It made me feel a little dumb, and because I am pleasure-seeking, I started finding reasons to not go.  Which then makes me feel worse.  When I actually do sit and read the Bible or pray, I find my thoughts racing, my mind wandering...which again, makes me feel bad.

Just this morning I heard some terrible news about a family friend.  It made me upset, and I did pray, Oh God, help them.  But then it's like I couldn't pray anymore, I didn't want to sit down and pray...I felt like if I did, I'd just start crying and I had too much to do this morning to take the time to have a little meltdown.  It's like I miss God, and I want God...but I am putting Him at arms length and I'm not sure why exactly.

I guess a relationship with God is like any relationship - it takes work, and time, and love.  Priority.  And that's what's missing on my end - making God a priority, putting out the work, and taking the time.  I attend church, I pray with my children, I believe completely.  Sometimes I have issues -- trust, for one.  I go very back and forth with my trust in God.

I can't even maintain a thought.  Well, I guess what I'm saying is I need to do some work.  And perhaps you've been there once or twice?

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