I always wanted a girl. I HAD to have a girl. I told Kevin that if we had boys I would adore them, but we were getting a girl one way or another (in hindsight, whatever.) I don't think he was listening to me, he'd just kind of nod and start a new conversation. But God heard me, and gave me 2. I am thankful for that ALL the time, I LOVE my girlie girls.
I never said I had to have a boy. They intimidated me, and I felt I had nothing in common with them. Also, I thought I'd be a bad boy-mommy, because the thought of trucks and cars and trains bored me just thinking about it. And as a boy grew, what do you talk about with a teenage boy? For whatever reason, boys just weren't an experience, if you will, that I HAD to have. In fact, I wanted a girl so much that if I saw a mom with a passel of boys, I'd feel a bit bad for her.
Don't judge me...I know I'm weird. And let me put on the record, that WITHOUT A DOUBT, if I had been blessed with boys, I would have given thanks to God, and I would LOVE them.
But would my boy leave me for his girl, his wife, just like all boys do? Boys love their mamas, but the adult relationship between a mother and a son seems very different usually, than the relationship between a mother and her daughter. Broadly speaking, of course.
Anyway, I don't know what my relationship with my girls will be like as the years go on, but I pray we're close. I pray they talk to me, and let me in their lives. I pray they respect me, listen to me, love me.
I pray they live close and let me have my grandchildren for the day - a lot.
I digress. What I was going to say, is that my heart has changed towards little boys. I'm not scared of them anymore, and I think if we had had one, I'd really enjoy raising him. I see these cute little short haired boys (God help me if they have curls!) with their striped polos and dirty sneaks and I just melt. They are so adorable! Just today at the Y, while Tatie was having her swim lesson, my eyes kept going to this little boy who had shark swim trunks on, his goggles askew, and I just wanted to kiss his face.
His mom would've called the cops, I don't even know this kid's name. He's not even in Tatie's class.
Kevin and I are done having children, and most days I'm okay with that. If we didn't have a health risk, if we had a bigger house, a bigger income...we probably would want another child. Well, I would...Kevin always wanted 2 and is very content. Anyway, we have not permanently prevented a pregnancy and God could bless us with a child, but I don't see that happening. So I am really looking forward to being an aunt someday, or at least a fake aunt to a really good friend's baby, so I could love that baby up and enjoy infancy and toddlerhood to the fullest - minus the sleepless nights, breast infections, colic, doctor appts, financial responsibility, etc that comes with having another child.
And I'm really hoping for a boy. It's all about me, right?