Monday, March 14, 2011

Mommy Monday

This pic is from a few years ago.  Last week the girls were home with me most of the time, as Tatie had off for parent-teacher conferences and Bailey was sick for a few of the days.  The time with them reminded me of when it was just us, every day all day.  Playing, painting, puzzles.  Dress-up, Dora, dollhouses.  Baby Einstein, bubble baths, baking cookies.  

It was also crying, screaming, time-outs and more crying.  They cried and screamed and had time-outs too.

Yeah, this kid definitely cried, screamed and had time-outs.

This kid not as much...but trust me, LOTS of drama.

Anyway, it has been really hard for me to think about this coming September, when Tatie will probably be in school full time.  Our district has 1/2 day kindergarten, but the CST will probably recommend she go for "regular" 1/2 day kindergarten, then spend another 1/2 day in the special services class, so she can continue her speech and OT without missing out during class.  She has become SO enjoyable, I really love my time with her.  She is a riot!  And so sweet, my little girlfriend.  Her first few years of life were SOO stressful, so this time is so precious to me.  I always get mad at myself when I spend the morning cleaning or doing chores instead of spending it with her.  She likes the time alone to do her dollhousing or coloring, but it's like a clock ticking that is running out of this time with her at home.  

What will I do with my time when they are both out of the house for 7 hours?  I'd like to work part-time, I think that'd be perfect.  I am wondering if I will be really sad.  I know it's just a transition, and I'll get used to it - I certainly have gotten used to Bailey going to school all day.  But as much as I am dreading the silence of the house of little giggles and playing, I am dreading feeling useless.  Kevin thinks I'm nutty - he's looking forward to having some more $ come in, and enjoying the kids getting older.  He's looking forward to their softball games, swim meets, choir concerts.  He doesn't miss diapers or 3am feedings.  And 3am "what's wrong with the baby...she's crying but not hungry, wet, teething.  Is it an earache, a tummyache"?  I don't miss that really either, and I am looking forward to watching them continue to grow and learn.  But there's this part of me that is sad.  Will I feel like this for the rest of my life?  

I feel very blessed to have had this time with them at home -- even with all of the crying, sceaming and time-outs.  I wouldn't change a thing.  There were times when it was stressful - or when I spent one too many hours a day in a kitchen I hate - that I wished I was working.  But those moments were fleeting, and not a week has gone by that I haven't thanked God for Kevin's job and for my husband, who's such a good provider.  Kevin would take such joy in me texting him a picture like the one from above, of the kids playing at the mall.  He never came home to a bomb of a house and asked what I did all day.  Instead he side-stepped the Barbies and bouncy balls and immediately started helping with the kids.  He also helping in the middle of the night! Kevin made the gig of me staying at home easier, which I so appreciate.  

So when I get sad that they are growing up, I want to thank God that they are growing and healthy, and thank Him for all the many moments I had to enjoy with them as little kids.  Aren't they so cute?

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