Friday, March 18, 2011

Flash Back Friday - Taylor Elise's birth story, and then some

I found out I was pregnant with Taylor on February 4, 2005.  Bailey was 16 mos old and we hadn't decided yet what we would do about having future children.  Because of Bailey's CF diagnosis, we didn't know if we should (there's a 25% chance any time we have children that they'd have CF) - but I definitely wanted more, so perhaps we'd adopt.  But I wasn't feeling right, and the next day I was going dress-shopping for my best friends wedding so I thought I should take a test before I ordered a dress.  I wasn't even late yet, but there were the lines on the test.  I took it while little Bailey was in the bathtub, and I remember looking at her and being so happy she'd have a sibling, but I was also very scared.  I felt guilty that I hadn't prayed enough before conceiving that our next child wouldn't have CF.  I know that's not how "God works" but I felt that if I had prayed, and our child still had CF - God allowed that to happen.  Kind of like it took the blame from my hands.  But if I didn't pray and it happened, I allowed it.  Does that even make sense?

I called to tell Kevin in a panic - this was the second time he received the news we were expecting this way.  No balloons or cute "you're a daddy" t-shirts for him -- he gets his crying but laughing, scared but also happy wife on the phone.  Oh well.

I threw up just as much with Taylor as I did with Bailey - and FYI, with both of them I still gained about 40lbs each.

I felt best at night, so before going to bed I'd have a full meal - my fave was grilled chicken sandwich, cheddar cheese on top.  Fries on the side - way on the side so they didn't get mushy.  With black rasberry ice cream, whipped cream and extra cherries thank you very much - or should I say thank you Kevin, he was my go-to-boy.

Everyone needs a go-to-boy.

We found out we were having a girl and I was so happy!  I always wanted a sister, so I was so happy the girls would have each other.  I remember asking Kevin if he was disappointed and he said, "How could I be disappointed when I love Bailey so much?  I will love another girl just as much."

Have I mentioned lately that I like him.  He's rad.

During this pregnancy, I saw a specialist again bc of the blood issue and now also bc of the CF possibility.  At every ultrasound - like once a month - they (because it was a practice, saw different peeps all the time) would ask me over and over to get tested and I kept refusing.  I found it offensive that they kept including, "You still have time to persue all options."  Finally I told them to write it in huge permanent marker all over my folder that I was NOT getting tested for CF and I would NOT have an abortion.  So disgusted.  Why didn't I want to get tested?  Because it didn't matter.  The mutation that Kevin and I have combines to create a mild mutation, so there is nothing in utero or after birth that needs done.  I would just worry, so why do that?  After Tate was born we had her blood tested and found out she is a carrier of my gene (thankfully the mild one) but doesn't have it.  Praise God!

So about this blood issue -- before I was ever pregnant, I got tested for something called Factor V Leiden, as it is a clotting disorder and my dad died from a Pulmonary Embollism.  They determined I had Factor V - which was upsetting bc you think about your own mortality, you know?  They weren't treating me for it, and wouldn't unless I was pregnant or as I got older, but told me not to take birth control hormones.  So that explains these 2 babies I have -- because ALL other forms of birth control in my opinion, are the "you can run but you can't hide" variety.  With Taylor I was even more shocked than with Bailey - truly to this day, I think it's a miracle she's even here.  But it only takes one little guy to make his way through somehow...

I'm getting sidetracked.  Anyway, I got retested after Tate was born for Factor V bc I was having no issues.  I don't have it.  Then last year I took yet another test bc which test was right?  I do have a blood thing but not FV.  I'm glad I was wrongly diagnosed, bc perhaps wouldn't have the 2 children I do, so I view the mess-up as God's hand at work and I am SO grateful. So, so grateful.

So here she is.  I was scheduled for a C-section bc after my hell having Bailey, I didn't even want to try a V-bac.  Her delivery was smooth as silk.  I had her at Virtua and I loved everyone I dealt with.  The anethesiologist  was someone I wish I could move into my house -- she sat at my head the whole time and spoke softly to me and stroked my forehead.  I loved her.  I miss her.

Anyway, this time I got to see my baby be born.  They lifted her out and I was sobbing, I was so happy. They brought her to me and I got to kiss her and I remember saying to Kevin she didn't look like Bailey.  I remember looking at her ears and was so happy that she had Kevin's ears bc I don't like mine - Boo has Kev's ears too.  And Taylor's chin dimple was even deeper than Bailey's!!  They finished me up, cleaned Taylor and about an hour later I had her in my arms.  I remember I kept looking at the clock and asking Kevin to ask again if she was done, I wanted her.  She was a great nurser, and bc Bailey had stopped nursing before I wanted her to (at 5mos and there was no wooing her back), I had really looked forward to feeding her.  Both my girls roomed in with me, and I didn't like them being out of my sight.  ALTHOUGH with Tate, on my 3rd day I let the nurses keep her while I napped for just a bit bc I had no visitors and I wanted to rest up before leaving.  I should've rested up more.

We got home and all was fine for like a day.  Then she started screaming and didn't stop until yesterday. No I'm just kidding -- but she screamed A LOT.  We thought she had colic, then after 6 mos they started testing her for things that could be wrong.  We had her x-rayed, we took her to a gastro dr, and an ENT just to name a few.  Fast forward until she was over 3 and she was finally diagnosed with sensory disorder.  Our life changed dramatically, and I will forever be grateful to Sensational Kids for our start in the right direction.

Taylor Elise is a joy in my life, to put it mildly.  In her short 5 years she has taught me so much.

I think I'll keep her.

No comments:

Post a Comment